Day 291: The Origin of Anger in My Life Part 2: Do you struggle with Rage?
Where does explosive rage come from? How is rage created?
Why does the extent and severity of the reaction of explosive rage seem so disproportionate to the event that triggers it?
How can you go from feeling relatively stable in one moment, to a total emotional possession in the next moment, where you feel like you are not in control of your body and end up doing things you immediately regret?
Do you for the most part see and carry yourself as a peaceful person, not interested in violence or aggression or in being nasty to others, and yet struggle to understand why in certain moments, you fly into an outburst of rage that feels like it is beyond your control?
Have you found, in spite of the unpleasant nature of rage, that in certain situations it feels justified, and that the situation is somehow at fault?
Has explosive rage led to you doing and saying things that have sabotaged relationships in your world?
Do you feel like rage is just a part of you, and that it's something you just have to learn to cope with?
Have you gone long stretches of time without experiencing rage, only to have it return unexpectedly and you just can't understand why?
Do you feel like one of the primary reasons you go into a rage is because someone or something is somehow 'holding you back' in life? Do you find that when you're watching movies and TV shows that you can relate to characters who react with rage in situations where someone or something is holding them back, or denying them freedom, or bulling them?
Are there situations in your life within which you feel there is no possible way to respond except through anger and rage?
Do you find that you tend to react in rage when you feel that someone is not listening to you, not understanding 'your side of the story'?
Do you feel like one of the reasons you struggle with rage is because others don't understand you, and you feel that you are being expected by others to act and live in a way that is taking away your freedom to 'be you'?
I'm asking these questions because each contains a point that I have experienced in my own life, within my relationship to rage. Can rage be stopped? Yes. But to do so requires getting to some serious Self Honesty.
To understand rage and really get a grasp on how to begin the process of removing it from you, you have to walk a thorough investigation of who and what you are within your mind, within how you have defined yourself, the ideas you hold of yourself, the goals, desires, wants, you have defined your life according to. You have to get to the core of the struggle you believe to be the cause of this intense emotional reaction to circumstances and people in your world. You have to go back to the beginning. Rage is a release of suppressed energy, suppressed reactions that have accumulated and compounded within your body over time. To understand rage, you have to understand the process of suppression, the process of reaction, why you react, why you interpret things through emotion. Where and how did you develop your emotional reactions? What were the formative, key events in your life that shaped your primary emotional patterns?
In posts to come I'll be sharing my process of investigating these points, and what I've found.