Day 223: Watching TV with Self Awareness Part 2

Continuing from the last post where I gave the following example of an experience coming up when watching a specific scene in the movie 'A History of Violence':

"For example, a point that had come up before, which I've since dealt with, is when I was watching a scene in the movie A History of Violence, where there's this high school kid getting bullied / pushed around by this guy at school, and the smaller guy reaches a 'breaking point' and 'flips out' and ends up beating up the bigger bully guy. Well within this as I was watching it, when the guy was getting bullied, the reactions coming up within me were those of  - 'that's not fair', 'that guy is a jerk', with emotions of frustration and feeling helpless and humiliated, and an adrenaline and anger building within me, wanting to see the bully get beat up / hurt -- and then when the smaller guy ends up beating the bully up -- there's this big adrenaline rush and feeling of superiority and 'victory' and 'feeling strong'. 

So I'm sure many can relate to the above experience, and have experienced this same example of 'rooting' for the character who is getting bullied, and wanting that character to 'stand up' and 'fight back', and within this, if he doesn't fight back you'd feel disappointed, and if he does fight back and wins for instance - then you'd feel 'victorious' and that 'justice has been served'.

But then on the other hand there are those who would relate more to the bully character and would want to see the 'weaker guy' get beat up and would experience some kind of 'satisfaction' from that scenario. So -- where do these experiences come from? Are they just a part of 'who we are' as human beings? Is it 'normal' to experience such reactions of emotions and feelings when watching TV and Movies?

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that when I'm watching a bullying scene on TV / Movies and I experience myself reacting and adrenaline starts arising and I'm wanting the character to 'fight back' and wanting to see the bully get beat up -- that I'm not just experiencing that because it's 'just part of being human' and it's 'a normal human response' to such a situation, but that I'm reacting because that scenario has happened in my life in some way before, in which I experienced these same reactions that are now coming up with watching the scene on TV / in a movie, and that what this is showing me is that this scenario / event from me life exists in me as a memory that is triggered and replays like a loop when I encounter the same / similar scenario in my world with other people or with seeing it on TV / in a movie

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to just 'go along' with the experience of the reactions / emotions coming up / triggered by the movie / TV show I am watching, and to just accept my reactions / emotional experience / feeling experiences as 'entertainment', instead of realizing that in this Acceptance I am Allowing myself to be influenced / controlled / subject to the Past and I am Allowing myself to remain limited to these particular reactions / experiences when faced with such a situation in my world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in the energy as reactions of emotions and feelings that come up when watching someone being bullied in a scene on TV or in a movie, and to believe that I am actually experiencing 'myself' instead of realizing I am experiencing a memory that is being triggered - and that it's just a pattern - a program running automatically inside me -- and that I have accepted and allowed myself to be subject to this program / pattern because I always believed that who I am is Energy as reactions of emotions and feelings

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize and see that - the pictures on the screen do not actually have the power to create an experience in me - but that they can only trigger an experience that already exists in me as a memory that I have accepted myself to be defined within and as

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that my whole life currently is like a movie with scenes / pictures / sounds triggering memories within me as reactions of emotions and feelings

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I can actually take these reactions / emotions that are triggered by the scene on the screen, and investigate in writing what memories come up from within my life, which will show me what I am currently accepting and allowing to determine / control my experience of myself within watching TV / Movies / situations happening in my world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it is 'harmless' to experience the desire for one character to harm another in a movie - instead of realizing that the reason I'm experiencing that desire is because that scene in the movie / those actions being played out by the characters represent a desire I actually formed to harm someone in my world as a result of some reaction I had toward someone / something that happened to me, within some event / scenario from my life that is repeating within me as a memory, and within this I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that every day people hurt / harm / kill each other as a result of them becoming literally possessed by some reaction that has built up inside them and that thus though it seems like 'harmless fun' and a 'harmless thrill' to play out these reactions / emotions / feelings that come up within me through watching characters harm / hurt each other, there are those in this world that are playing out such reactions / emotions / desires for REAL - and that therefore in Accepting and Allowing such reactions / emotions / desires to exist in me as unresolved memories, I am actually supporting / allowing the Consequences of such reactions to exist in this world as actual actions of harm

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as the reactions of emotions and feelings that come up in me when I am watching TV and Movies, instead of realizing that who I really am is not repeating memories that run automatically within me as a program, but that who I really am is Life as all as one as equal, as a unique Expression

When and as I am watching TV and Movies I commit myself to be aware of myself, starting with being aware of my breathing as a point of stability from which I can watch / see reactions being triggered in me by scenes I am watching

When and as I am watching movies and TV and I see reactions of emotions and feelings coming up in me, and I see myself starting to participate in the experience and 'be entertained / thrilled' by the experiences, I commit myself to Stop, and Breathe, and realize that I am participating in a program, and that I'm faced with a Decision in every moment of Breath of -- will I accept and allow myself to exist as a program / have automated experiences come up within me? Or will I stand as Life and no longer accept or allow automated, programmed energy experiences to exist within me?

I commit myself to show that the predominant reactions of emotions and feelings that come up within me during my day, are actually linked to / originating in specific memories within me of specific scenarios that happened in which I formed specific ideas / beliefs / definitions / interpretations about things and people and myself, and from which I formed specific desires, and fears, and thought patterns, and that depending on the specific circumstances and relationships and scenarios and influences people experience in their lives, their reactions and self definition process will vary and thus the development of predominant emotions and feelings and thoughts will vary which is why we will react differently to scenes in movies and TV, and will have different preferences about what kind of scenes we like to watch

I commit myself to take responsibility for the experiences that come up within me within realizing that if we don't each learn to stop defining ourselves by memories / reactions / emotions / feelings, and re-align ourselves to practical living as all as one as equal as Life -- that we will continue to have violence / harm / abuse / consequence playing out daily in our world as the result of reactions being allowed to have directive principle of what we do

Join the free Desteni I Process Lite online course where you'll learn how your mind works and how to work effectively with your reactions and memories.
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