Day 221: How to Watch TV with Self Awareness Part 1
Firstly, I want to say how cool it is to watch TV series and movies with having been shown through my study of the Desteni tools how to investigate my starting point / origin points of my behavior and inner experiences of thoughts, feeling, and emotions through applying self honesty within looking at when / where / how I've defined myself within my life, and how my self definitions have been the basis of the thoughts, feelings, and emotions that come up as 'my personality'. And within this looking at how to change my definitions from that of an Energy Value within reactions / opinions / interpretations / beliefs - to definitions aligned with Practical Value within the consideration of practical living and outcomes that are best for all life, instead of that which benefits / considers only the individual personality / self interest.
Before Desteni, when I used to watch TV shows and movies, I would just do it as a point of entertainment, where I would watch things primarily that were aligned with my specific preferences, desires, personalities, style, etc -- for example I liked watching Sci-Fi movies because I liked imagining myself in a reality of for example aliens and spaceships and exploring the universe -- so I would watch stuff from a starting point of fueling and supporting my imagination and as a distraction from the parts of my world / reality / relationships / experience that I didn't like or didn't understand or were difficult or painful. It was a way to live out fantasies and desires through watching the characters doing what I wanted to / wished I could do.
Movies as a Mirror
Now though, it's cooler because I enjoy a much wider variety of movies and TV as I am no longer limited to just watching stuff that fits within a specific 'style' or 'personality', as I have changed myself through my years of investigating myself and stopping my limited self definitions. For example I'm no longer limited to just one kind of show or movie, because I'm not watching it to just stimulate / fuel / charge up my particular desires / fantasies / preferences or to distract myself -- I now have the ability to watch the series or movie and observe the relationships and scenarios being depicted, to within that be able to look at what definitions, ideas, beliefs, are underlying the particular personalities and behavior and play-outs taking place. It's a way to evaluate what we as Humanity are accepting and allowing ourselves to be defined by / within, and within that also be able to see where I still react to certain characters / scenarios, and where I still experience desires / fantasies / likes and dislikes coming up in relation to things like personalities, appearances, certain behavior or actions being played out, scenery, etc. For instance certain characters or scenes might trigger a memory from my own life that I see I'm still defining myself according to, or for example within seeing a conflict scene -- looking at which character I'm experiencing myself wanting to 'win' the conflict, to within that be able to see where I still exist within that point of 'wanting to win' within my own life / relationships. Or, one of the most predominant points is seeing relationship plots playing out, where characters are getting together, breaking up, having sex, etc -- and within that seeing where I still am existing within points of desire / fantasy / memories / fears / positive and negative judgments in relation to relationships and sex.
Basically, any point where I'm watching a scene and any reaction of Feeling, or Emotion, or Desire, or Fear, or Anxiety comes up within me -- that's where the series / movie is acting as a Mirror showing me where / how that point depicted in the scene actually exists in me as some point where I've defined myself within Desires, Fears, Ideas, Beliefs, Memories, Personalities, etc - which is being represented within that scene. Because, it's interesting that we all know that what we're watching is not real -- we all know it's just actors acting out a script that they've memorized, and that there are cameras and all kinds of equipment and people just outside the frame of the screen -- but still we'll react and respond to what we're watching as if it's actually happening to us right now in our living room, lol.
So what I apply within this is the following: When I'm watching, I'm able to, either in the moment stand within the point of self definition / judgment / desire / opinion that's come up within me, look at where it originated within my life, and if I see the whole point, apply self forgiveness within myself and realign myself to what is best for all / common sense, or if I see it requires more writing and investigation, make a note of it and open the point up further in writing.
It's like it's actually happening!
For example, a point that had come up before, which I've since dealt with, is when I was watching a scene in the movie A History of Violence, where there's this high school kid getting bullied / pushed around by this guy at school, and the smaller guy reaches a 'breaking point' and 'flips out' and ends up beating up the bigger bully guy. Well within this as I was watching it, when the guy was getting bullied, the reactions coming up within me were those of - 'that's not fair', 'that guy is a jerk', with emotions of frustration and feeling helpless and humiliated, and an adrenaline and anger building within me, wanting to see the bully get beat up / hurt -- and then when the smaller guy ends up beating the bully up -- there's this big adrenaline rush and feeling of superiority and 'victory' and 'feeling strong'.
Quite interesting because -- I experienced that scene as if it were actually happening to me right in that moment. And, within this I can see -- ohhhh, the reason I'm experiencing this is because -- it HAS happened to me before. Not exactly like it's depicted in the scene, but the same basic scenario, where the actions of the two characters were similar enough to what I'd experienced in the past, that it brought up the memory of what happened -- but, important to realize and notice here that the memory is being brought up as Emotions and Feelings -- as Reactions. Those reactions originated in an original scenario / event from my life -- an event which now exists in me, in my body as a memory, which is triggered by / through a similar / same scenario coming up again in my life -- and fascinatingly it's the same memory / experience that is triggered whether I'm watching it on TV or it's actually physically happening. Which in itself reveals quite an interesting point about the nature of emotions and feelings which is that -- they are not based in awareness, they are not who I really am -- they are just a program. I mean, why else would they be triggered by a fake scenario being acted out by actors? Strange how we don't notice this common sense.
I'll continue in the next post with examples of how one can then work with the point that comes up, with self forgiveness and self corrective statements, continuing with the example of the bully scene.