Day 206: Self Forgiveness on Fear of Arguments

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear arguments

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I would only fear arguments if I've defined myself within / as a particular point of view and fear my point of view being invalidated

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself within and as a particular point of view

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take it personally when someone doesn't agree with my perspective

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have to get someone to agree with my perspective

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the sound of an elevated voice tonality / volume with an emotional experience / charge of anxiety

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to tense my physical body and go into anxiety when and as I hear an elevated voice tonality / volume

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, when I was young and heard people arguing / shouting at each other, react within an energetic experience of fear because at that stage I did not have practical tools to support myself in understanding how / why people would be arguing / shouting and thus interpreted it as 'something is wrong' / 'something bad is happening' -- interpreting / defining the sound of argument / shouting as 'bad' according to / within my reactive experience of fear / anxiety which -- was unpleasant / 'bad feeling'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try and force others to change / stop being emotional / calm down within the starting point of fearing experiencing an argument which -- I now see is just based on how I initially reacted to / interpreted arguments / shouting as a child

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, when and as I experience someone's behavior / some point they are dealing with which happens to be happening in my immediate world, as 'unpleasant', to try and force the person to stop instead of stopping myself and taking responsibility for what I have judged / defined as 'unpleasant'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, when I see someone facing / dealing with an emotional experience that I've walked / faced within myself, to forget that I walked a process to get myself to the point where I was able to stop it effectively and within this, try and force the person to 'hurry up and understand your experience so you can stop it' -- instead of realizing that this is just based on me wanting the other to change so that 'my life can be easier' instead of realizing that I only experience it as 'not easy to deal with someone facing an emotional point' because that's how I've judged / defined the situation and thus - I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, when and as someone in my world is facing / dealing with an emotional experience, judge / define them as 'making my life difficult', instead of realizing I am making my life difficult and thus it's me that needs to change / stop

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create arguments by exacerbating / making another's experience more difficult unnecessarily through trying to force them to stop / change - fearing that if I don't 'step in and speed this up', that the person might 'not ever change' -- and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself / my process within depending on / expecting others to change

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to allow others to walk their process and to trust myself that - when and as the moment arises when it is relevant to 'step in' or make a suggestion, I will see the point and it will be clear - there will be no thought / feeling / emotion / reaction / want / fear within it

I commit myself to, when and as I see someone facing an experience I've faced in the past - to bring my process of walking that point here and make sure I am not forgetting the process I've walked

I commit myself to stop judging arguments as 'bad'

I commit myself to stop judging an elevated voice tonality / volume as 'scary'

I commit myself to stop expecting / wanting others in my world to immediately understand and stop emotional experiences

I commit myself to allow others to walk their process, as others have allowed me to walk my process

I commit myself to stop judging non-emotional behavior as 'pleasant' and emotional behavior as 'unpleasant'

I commit myself to stop judging non-emotional behavior as 'positive' and emotional behavior as 'negative'

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Comments

  1. Really cool Matti! I can relate to this and I found that as long as I am wanting/expecting/rushing another to 'realize' or to 'change' I am not seeing reality nor the other being for who they are and where they stand in their process. It is a humbling realization and I see that I have never really supported another with such approach.
    Cool self-correction points shared here, thanks!

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  2. "I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, when I see someone facing / dealing with an emotional experience that I've walked / faced within myself, to forget that I walked a process to get myself to the point where I was able to stop it effectively and within this, try and force the person to 'hurry up and understand your experience so you can stop it' -- instead of realizing that this is just based on me wanting the other to change so that 'my life can be easier' instead of realizing that I only experience it as 'not easy to deal with someone facing an emotional point' because that's how I've judged / defined the situation and thus - I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, when and as someone in my world is facing / dealing with an emotional experience, judge / define them as 'making my life difficult', instead of realizing I am making my life difficult and thus it's me that needs to change / stop"

    Thanks for this support Matti - very cool!

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  3. President Obama is firmly committed to the homosexual agenda and recent promises made to the LBGT and others have caused some in the conservative movement and the evangelical and Pentecostal churches to shudder. It is also clear that the church's concerns have little bearing on the President's position to throw the doors open for the "gay agenda by closing the steel doors around those who make so much as a whimper against the gays. Signing the untested and highly suspect Matthew Shepard act is the latest evidence of that.

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