Day 184: Misophonia: Self Forgiveness on Anger toward Eating Sounds
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Continuation of: Day 183: Misophonia: Why do Eating Sounds make me Angry?
Another fascinating dimension of the whole 'irritated by the sound of people eating' point, also known as 'Misophonia' - an actual official 'disorder', is the point of how - when we're alone, by ourselves, eating --- we don't get irritated at the sound of OURSELVES eating. I'm sure those who are walking with this 'eating sounds irritation' point, can see clearly how -- we'll make smacking sounds, we'll chew with our mouth open when we're alone. I mean, we just eat, comfortably, naturally. It's only when someone ELSE is making the sounds that we get irritated / angry -- and we'll make sure that when we're around others we ourselves will chew quietly, mouth closed, as little sound as possible. This simply shows how when eating around others, we go into a total suppression, within the belief / idea of 'politeness' and 'good manners'. Which is obviously just a belief / idea because -- really, does it matter if someone makes sounds when they're eating? Nope, not at all. It's just an idea that, as I walked in the previous post, we can see comes primarily from childhood where we 'learn' to suppress ourselves and judge ourselves in fear of being scolded and seen as 'rude' and 'bad' and 'obnoxious'. We fear to 'make' another react if we were to eat loudly -- so we suppress ourselves around others and make sure we're as quiet as possible. But - we're the ones actually having that reaction -- we're doing unto others that which we feared our parents / society / authority figures 'doing unto us' -- which is to react and get angry at us for making sounds while eating. So, what I found within myself is that I actually would go into a point of resentment toward those who don't care what they sound like while they're eating -- where it's like, they're eating without fear and self judgement and suppression -- but, since I've defined myself as a 'polite' and 'well mannered' person within a point of 'superiority' - to validate my 'politeness', there's this urge to make the other feel bad for eating loudly, because, like I mentioned in the previous post - otherwise that would mean my entire self definition as 'polite' and 'well mannered' -- is not real'. And -- then I would have to face my self judgment, my suppression, my fears in relation to ME eating loudly -- I would have to take Responsibility for my experience. And - we never learned to take Responsibility for our experiences. We learned to react, and take things personally, and design personalities and self definitions and manipulate our behavior to avoid experiencing fear.
That's all the 'polite' and 'well mannered' personality is -- a point of Self Manipulation motivated by Fear of being judged / fear of being seen as bad / fear of being yelled at.
So - the solution within seeing this, is to make the Decision to stand up, and not accept or allow this experience of irritation, anger, judgment to exist within and as Self. Because -- we can see, it's total bullshit and has nothing to do with the sound of people eating. It has to do with our own self judgments, our own suppressions, our own beliefs about the sound of eating that we learned from our parents / society / authority figures.
This is where Self Forgiveness comes in - to give back to ourselves that which we suppressed, that which is judged about ourselves. Which is to just eat comfortably, naturally, without self judgment, without fear.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that when I'm around others and I'm eating -- I actually experience a fear of others reacting / getting angry at me if I were to make sounds, and within this I then suppress myself and manipulate myself to eat quietly - I'm eating in fear. Within this I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that that which I fear as another's reaction toward me eating -- is actually how I react toward others eating -- based on my own idea, my own judgment, that when eating around others, it's 'rude, obnoxious, angering, irritating' to make sounds -- and that I didn't come up with this myself, I programmed myself with this idea / judgment when I was a child and took it personally / believed I was a cause of another's reaction, when my parents / others they told ME to stop making sounds when I'm eating
Thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, when and as I was told as a child to not make smacking sounds while I'm eating because it's 'bad' - to take this personally and believe that I've done something 'wrong' - instead of seeing and realizing that -- there was in fact nothing 'wrong' with the sounds I was making -- the only problem was that someone reacted to me and blamed me for their reaction. But - I didn't understand this so I took it personally.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, within believing that it's 'bad' to make sounds when I'm eating, manipulate myself when I ate, to chew quietly and not make sounds, so that no one would scold me and thus I would not feel bad.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the physical reality of eating which is simply that you move your mouth and chew the food -- not seeing that, there is nothing within this that could possibly 'cause' someone to be irritated / annoyed / angry --- and that such reactions actually exist as an alternate reality of accepted and allowed Judgments based on the idea of 'politeness' and 'good manners'
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, within the fear of being scolded / seen as bad / feeling bad for making loud eating sounds, manipulate myself to be 'polite' and 'well mannered' according to the demands of those who reacted to the way I ate, so that I could feel safe, and feel good about myself for apparently being 'good' -- instead of realizing that, not making sounds while I'm eating, does not mean I'm 'good' -- it doesn't make me 'more' than someone who makes sounds while eating
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that 'good manners' - simply means, to live in a way that is best for all life, where one supports life in all ways to express itself and live effectively
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make myself irritated and angry by having judgments toward the sound of other people eating
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the sound of others eating as 'irritating, angering, annoying, obnoxious'
I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that - the real reason I get angry when I hear others making sounds while eating, is because they're showing me where I've suppressed myself / abused myself through self judgment and fear -- and thus I'm actually angry at myself -- but I just didn't see this until now
Thus I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to let go of my fear of others reacting to the sounds I make when I eat, and eat without fear, eat comfortably, eat naturally
I see and realize that there is actually nothing 'irritating' about the sound of eating and that only through Judgment based on an Idea - in this case 'politeness', do I create my irritation experience - and thus when and as I hear another eating and making smacking sounds, etc, and a reaction of irritation / anger arises within me - I commit myself to STOP, to Breathe, and not participate in the judgement / irritation experience, but to remind myself that I am Here in Physical Reality, where the sound of eating is just that - the sound of eating - and that I am only disempowering myself / abusing myself in creating an irritation experience through judgment
I see and realize that my anger toward the sound of others eating, is just a projection of my own self judgment and suppression and fear about what others might think of MY eating sounds - and thus when and as I am eating around others, I commit myself to let go of the fear of what others might think / how they might react, and let go of my self judgment, and just allow myself to eat comfortably
I commit myself to show that the idea of politeness and good manners, is not real when politeness and good manners is not producing a world that is best for all life and supporting every life form to reach its fullest expression
I commit myself to stop accepting and allowing a system of false manners based on ideas that are just automatically accepted because we've never taken responsibility for our reactions
I commit myself to show that in taking responsibility for who we are - to become self honest and change ourselves through self forgiveness within the consideration of what is best for all life - we will become real Well Mannered beings - that ensure the Wellness of all Manner of life forms on Earth
I commit myself to bring about a new world system based on valuing Life Equally, that will remove the point of fear for survival and competition for support, so that humanity can focus on changing its dysfunctional Human Nature through self honesty and self forgiveness into responsible beings - so that we no longer have to fear being ridiculed, ostracized, judged, excluded from life because of each others judgments and reactions and blame - where, we'll no longer have to suppress and control ourselves to appease each others' reactions, and can enjoy each other without fear because we'll all take self responsibility for our reactions and stop them with self honesty and self forgiveness
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