|Artwork by Matti Freeman|
So, as I mentioned in my previous post, when I was a Lightworker I had this idea of how I wanted the world to change - the 'change I want to see in the world', which was that I wanted the world to be this general experience of love and light, with everyone living in 'oneness', flying around and manifesting whatever we want instantly. And I mean - I didn't really make this stuff up by myself -- this is a fantasy I constructed through fairly extensive study of spiritual / new age messages and material. Because a large part of spiritual / new age material consists of descriptions and stories of how 'higher beings' experience 'higher dimensions'. And, being that my existing situation was that of struggle to earn money, and having to deal with mean people and stuff, these messages were like a dream come true for me - especially the part where spirituality / new age tells us that through visualization and intent, we can 'manifest' the reality 'we want to experience'.
So I dedicated myself to, as per the suggestions and instructions presented to me within spiritual / new age material, 'embody' this 'change' I wanted to see in the world, by becoming a Lightworker -- visualizing and focusing on these descriptions of 'higher vibrational experiences', until I started to actually have these experiences.
Within this, the apparent problem of governments and corporations controlling things in an abusive / neglectful way was 'not a problem', because the way I interpreted governments / the system is that it's just a 'manifestation' of our collective participation within 'lower vibrations' of 'negativity'. And that if enough of us 'embody' a 'positive experience / focus', then we'll reach a 'tipping point', where the world leaders will 'realize' that for example, being greedy causes conflict, while being of love and light feels really good -- so then they'll decide to do things differently and then we'll have a different world.
So again, from my perspective if someone had asked me 'are you taking responsibility for this world?' I would have said - oh yes, definitely - this world is a negative place and I am embodying positivity and embodying positivity will eventually manifest a positive world so yes, I am definitely taking responsibility.
The problem with this is, once I started actually doing some research and paying attention to what's going on in the world - reading about the exploits and decisions of highly powerful people in the world, I realized - from their perspective, what they're doing is not 'negative' - it's positive. Running sweatshops filled with people with no other choice but to work insanely long hours with very low pay in a harsh, unhealthy environment is not 'negative' - it's positive. Destroying and polluting nature is not negative, it's positive. Lying and deceiving and manipulating and beating down their competition and forcing smaller businesses to close is not negative - it's positive. They're making profit - billions of dollars. They're securing a life and future for their families. I mean come on - it's their self interest - it's how they'd like the world to be. To them it's completely positive and acceptable.
So, to define 'taking responsibility' as 'being positive', but to not give any practical directive principle as to what starting point of self / starting point of self's actions will have a result that's best for everyone on Earth, completely leaves the word 'responsibility' open to interpretation through one's self interest of whatever one happens to experience as 'positive'.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that the only Responsible way to define Responsibility is within the consideration of what will produce only what is best for all Life, meaning that which does not create any consequence / outflow / side effect that would harm or disregard another part of Life within seeing it as 'less than'
Within this I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that thus to take Responsibility for my 'state of consciousness' -- implies I must begin walking a process of getting to the starting point of each experience, thought, feeling, emotion that arise in me - and to investigate whether the actual starting point of the experience is based within the consideration / awareness of what is best for all Life, or is based on the blind desire for an experience for Only Me
Within this I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that what I accept and allow in and as myself as My Starting Point - I also accept and allow in every other being -- as my starting point in all things is the example I am standing as of what I see as acceptable or not acceptable to exist in existence
Within this I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that we don't create the world through our state of consciousness - we create the world one and equal to the truth of our starting point of ourselves - as either Self Interest, or that which can stand as what is Best for All -- and that the current world clearly shows that we are NOT in any way living in a way that is Best for All
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that the word Responsibility cannot be left open to interpretation through one's self interest / beliefs / ideas / opinions -- as to have a world in which we are divided in our definition of Responsibility through Self Interest, is dysfunctional
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize how easy it is to create a 'positive' experience through simply having a belief - and that my Responsibility for my State of Consciousness would thus start with writing out alll the beliefs I have that are at the root of my 'positive experience' - and that it's easy to identify a belief - as it is any point where I have an assumption / idea about something that is not in fact what I directly See and Understand - for example what will happen to me when I die
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that if my starting point is that of an assumption that after death I will enter a blissful heavenly reality, free from the troubles of the world, that the Consciousness that will Flow from this starting point will be a very pleasant experience because I'm in a constant state of believing that I'll be leaving this world and not have to face the actual problems here -- like when one believes one will win the lottery, one is having a very pleasant experience -- but then when one's ticket has the wrong numbers, the pleasant experience disappears -- which shows that the state of consciousness / experience is not the point of creation - it's the Starting Point - and thus the question is - is my starting point that of beliefs / assumptions / ideas based in my own Self Interest, from which flow a State of Consciousness of Self Interest? Or is my Starting Point that of actual awareness / consideration of the nature of what is going on on Earth, and how to practically re-align the relationships of everything on Earth in accordance with an outcome that will be Best for Everyone?
I'll expand on this Self Forgiveness in the next post.