Day 135: Awareness and the Identification with Thought - Part 5 - Self Forgiveness Continued

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to ask myself the question of 'as this calm, observing presence, am I assisting and supporting myself to understand / realize how my mind actually works, and thus how the minds of other human beings work? Or am I accepting myself to be nothing but an 'observer' that just 'observes my mind'?

Within this I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to ask myself - am I understanding / seeing how my mind works? Or am I interpreting how my mind works, through first accessing knowledge / ideas that I got from someone / somewhere?

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to ask myself - as this calm, observing presence, am I able to walk a thought pattern in writing, in seeing where / when I first had the thought, when / where / how it is triggered? Am I taking responsibility for my thoughts as my creation, or am I separating myself from my thoughts through merely 'observing' them - and telling myself that they're part of something outside of myself such as 'the collective mind', or some 'vibrational frequency'? And is the 'collective mind', or 'vibrational frequencies' something I've actually seen / understood for and as myself, that I can walk through in writing to show how it works / what it consists of?

Here I suggest listening to the Quantum Mind Self Awareness series on Eqafe - for some radical self-questions that have assisted me in really being Self Honest about my 'state of realization' in relation to my own mind and what I actually understand / see of how it works in fact, in detail.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to ask myself - as this calm, observing presence - what is Self Expression? Is my Self Expression limited to a personality / presentation of myself as 'calm, peaceful, serene, soothing-voiced, slow and gentle moving'? And within this personality / presentation of myself -- am I actually afraid to shout, yell, use swear words -- because then I might be judged by others as being 'angry', or 'negative'? Don't I then exist in Fear?

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to ask myself - as this calm, observing presence, am I afraid to challenge / question the starting point of those who abuse others / harm others for self interest - because I'm afraid that others might judge me as being of 'Ego / Judgment / trying to control others'? Do I allow abuse to exist in the world, because I'm afraid that if I were to stand up and stop accepting it - that others would see me as 'negative' and 'not enlightened'?

Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that taking action to come to a practical solution for this world that would remove the ability of someone to abuse another for self interest - such as for profit / greed,  is 'Ego' -- instead of realizing that abuse is not acceptable - deliberate abuse of another being for self interest is not acceptable -- because, if I were in the position of the abused -- I would not like to be abused, would I?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to like the idea of being only a 'calm, observing presence', mostly because I believe that when I die, I will enter some kind of heavenly afterlife experience where I'll be 'free' of this world and everything in it -- and being this 'calm, observing presence' ensures I am comfortable and happy as I wait for myself to die and enter 'heaven' / the 'afterlife' -- within this not seeing that I don't actually know what will happen when I die - I'm basing my entire experience on a belief / an assumption -- and if I have to look at myself Self Honesty, I can see that I formulated my idea of the afterlife through stories and knowledge I read about / heard about -- where, as this calm, observing presence I'm not actually 'free' from thoughts -- because my entire idea of myself as this 'endless consciousness that will continue into a heavenly, blissful afterlife' -- is in itself a thought -- a construct in my mind based on knowledge and information

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that, if my 'presence' is in any way an experience based on any kind of knowledge and information / ideas that I read about / heard about -- that my presence is a thought -- and that I am thus presently in my Mind -- instead of being present in Reality - the Actual reality that is Here regardless of my thought -- which is the Physical Reality

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I don't need to be 'spiritual' -- I don't need to be associated with any kind of esoteric / new age / spiritual / zen ideas or knowledge, to be Present, Here in Reality -- because to be Present, Here in Reality simply is to be Here Breathing

Within this I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that if I at all fear to not experience myself as and be seen by others as 'spiritual' -- that I am not Here, Present in Reality as Breath -- but I am in my Mind as a personality - as Thoughts

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that Presently, in the Physical Reality, the Earth - we have a world that is not supporting Life -- we have a world that is abusing life to entertain and sustain human beings' Mind Personalities / Characters of Self Interest -- an example of a Mind Character of Self Interest would be the person who's got a good, stable job, making money - and using their free time to stylize themselves as a 'spiritual being' and practice ways of feeling good -- while completely ignoring / neglecting to consider the actual processess involved within the system that is providing all the stuff that they're buying -- not actually standing as Life - as the Life that is in All, to then explore / investigate / consider the Real conditions being experienced by all forms of Life / forms of Me as Life -- where I would see that, it is Me as Life in the factory working 15 hours a day to make iPads / iPhones -- it is Me as Life that is the 30,000 children starving to death daily -- it is Me as Life that is those who are raped, murdered, tortured, abused -- at the hands of human beings possessed by their self interest -- and it is Me as Life that is the human beings who are possessed by self interest to the point of abusing / harming others -- It's all Me - Me as Life - it's Me as Life that is trapped in poverty with no access to support / a way out

Within this, I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to Stand as Life, to Breathe as All those who Breathe on Earth and ask myself -- as this observing presence, that is busy observing and letting go of thoughts, and walking through my days in a state of bliss and happiness -- am I supporting Me as Life? Or am I neglecting / abusing Me as Life?

More to follow in the next post.
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