Day 134: Awareness and the Identification with Thought - Part 4 - Self Forgiveness Continued

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I am a 'calm observing presence' that only speaks in a calm, peaceful, serene tone of voice, and who only experiences myself as this warm, fuzzy, blissful experience, and who does not pay attention to any of the world's problems, that I am 'enlightened' -- instead of realizing that this is actually no different from just being on drugs the whole time

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I were to allow myself to get angry and become ashamed at the abuse and suffering that is allowed in this world, that I would be going into 'Ego', and 'judging things' and 'trying to control reality', instead of allowing myself to simply place myself in the shoes of another being and ask myself if the condition they are in is acceptable to exist or not - which is what any being that cares about life would do

Thus I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to look at what exists in this world from the starting point of caring about life -- but to instead look at what exists in this world from the starting point of wanting to experience myself as, and be seen by others as 'enlightened'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accepted and allowed myself to want and desire to be 'enlightened'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to be seen by others as 'enlightened'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that spirituality / zen / new age material by default will always be based on what is best for this world, and to accept whatever ideas are put forth by spirituality -- even in spite of the evidence showing that no spiritual practice has ever produced a practical solution for this world - such as a new economic system that would not involve the abuse and destruction of other beings and the Earth

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to be the 'enlightened character' that wears peaceful, zen-like, natural clothing, speaks only in a slow, calm, soothing voice, and lives in a spiritual-style environment with things like buddha statues and mandalas, believing that this somehow will make me 'more' than who I have been - instead of realizing that I'm not 'more' than who I was -- because I don't for example understand how the money system works, how to effectively support all life on earth, how my mind actually works, what happens after death -- I only have knowledge and information that I use to stylize myself as a character / presentation -- and where I'll 'experience' myself as 'enlightened' because I've defined myself according to the ideas I've accepted - such as the idea that 'being a calm, observing presence' means I am 'enlightened'

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that Enlightenment would be to be able to see / shed light on how reality actually functions, and how to design and implement a way of living on earth that is best for all Life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe the lie that says 'if I feel good, I am enlightened, I am self realized, I am aware' - instead of realizing that if I feel good, and yet this 'feeling' inside me does not cause me to directly see / realize / understand how everything works -- how the money system works, how the physical reality works, how my physical body works, how my mind works, how thinking works, how energy works -- that all the feeling is is just a preprogrammed experience existing within limited parameters

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that being an 'observer' that just 'accepts what is', most benefits those in this world with all the money and control, who would like to keep abusing life for profit -- as when everyone is just a 'calm, observing presence' that 'accepts what is' -- then no one will ever stand up for Life, as everyone is too afraid to be seen as 'negative' -- not seeing that this is the ultimate negativity, as in the acceptance of oneself as only an 'observing presence' that 'accepts what is' -- we keep perpetuating / allowing a world system / money system that by its very function creates poverty / lack / a condition of 'negative life' to be able to maintain the consumer system that consists of the poor / less fortunate forced into the position of producing goods for the middle class people to buy so that the rich / corporation can continue to make a profit

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that it is not 'negative' to stand up for those who suffer and insist that we come to a practical solution -- it is what anyone who actually cares about life would do

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize how limited and stupid it is to be only this 'calm, observing presence' with no actual understanding of how the world works / how the money system works / how we can create a practical solution on Earth to support all Life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define Life as a 'calm, observing presence that accepts what is' -- instead of realizing that that is just an experience I have created within my own mind through taking in knowledge and information and programming myself to have this experience through repeatedly practicing being this 'calm, observing presence that accepts what is'

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that the real Presence - is Breath, is the Physical Breath here in every moment -- as I do not have to create Breath using ideas and knowledge and information from spirituality -- it is not an experience that I have to create / attain to / maintain -- because Breath is already Here -- and thus, to be Present, all I have to do is be Here as Breath

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that as Breath - I am neither positive or negative - I have no energetic charge / experience -- and that to have such experiences I actually have to create them through going into my mind and judging things as either positive or negative -- where then I am no longer Here, physically - in this One reality - but create an alternate reality in my own mind

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I can simply be Here, Breathing - and Stand as Life - and Decide to care about Myself as Life

More Self Forgiveness on this point continuing in the next post.
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