Day 107: Am I My Brother's Keeper? Part 3: Self Forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that memories and pictures of someone with feelings and emotions connected to them inside my mind, are not me experiencing another human being, it is me experiencing my own mind - as I can actually clearly see that my inner experience of someone is based on my own thoughts, ideas, judgments, values, desires, etc that I project onto another

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize and see that thus when I believe I am 'keeping someone in my thoughts', I am not keeping someone in my thoughts - I am keeping my own thoughts in my own mind

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that when someone I know gets sick and may die, and I have memories and thoughts come up in my mind in relation to that person, that the fear / sadness of losing the person only arises in me after I've accessed memories / thoughts in my mind - which shows that my experience of fear of loss / sadness is not caused by a person dying - but caused by me accessing memories / thoughts in my own mind

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize and see that the reason I get sad / depressed / anxious / fearful when someone I know may die, is because I have created a mental relationship toward that person, and defined my experience of myself within feelings and memories that are substantiated by that person's continued physical existence in my immediate world - such as son, daughter, mother, father, friend, and that thus if that person were to die - my inner experience of myself / self definition would be upset in some way -- and that thus I am not having an emotional experience 'because the person may die' -- but because my own self definition / mental experience is being disturbed / upset / destabilized

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize how becoming emotional / sad / depressed when someone I know may die, does not indicate actual care / concern for another being -- as if it did, I would be in a constant emotional state of grieving as many many thousands of other human beings, and millions and millions and millions of animals and plants die every day -- which shows that my emotional / feeling experience I have toward my friends / family if they were to die, is at its core based in self interest -- of me needing / wanting to preserve my own inner experience of feelings and memories that I have defined myself within, and me valuing my own inner experience of feelings and memories more than Life -- and that, I can actually see this self interest, in the very fact that when all my immediate relationships of friends / family are 'fine' -- then I am happy and stable and without a care in the world -- even as many thousands and millions of other beings suffer and die every moment around the world - and I am fully aware of this

In the next post we'll walk more Self Forgiveness

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