Day 73: My Channeling Experience Part 2: Self Forgiveness Statements
Self Forgiveness statements in continuation of my last post.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I never once considered how I could crosscheck my girlfriend's 'channeling state' to make sure it was not just her own mind, and within this I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that in accepting the experience she told me she was having, as-is without any consideration or investigation or questioning, I was showing to myself that I was actually brainwashed by my own spiritual beliefs and fantasies and ideas that I liked - and validating / confirming / experiencing my beliefs and fantasies and ideas was all I was interested in - to the point where I could be easily deceived as long as someone would use the words and ideas that I liked / supported my self definition -- because -- I had no self honesty, just self interest and thus accepted anything that fit within my self interest
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that both me and my girlfriend had spent hours reading spiritual material and had spent hours creating thought patterns, fantasies, desires, ideas, interpretations, beliefs, wants, based on the material we read, and that we were not even aware that the reason we liked spiritual material was because we had specific desires and fears that we had formulated in relation to life, relationships, money, the afterlife, and the spiritual material told us what we wanted to hear according to our desires and fears and since we had not ever taken responsibility for what we create in our minds as thoughts, feelings, and emotions, and believed and accepted our thoughts, feelings, and emotions to be who we really are, we thus allowed ourselves to be brainwashed by the material we read, where we took the knowledge and information and created points of hope, more points of desire, more points of fantasies, projections, wants, interpretations, beliefs, ideas, visualizations -- all according to our individual self interest -- and thus if were were not even aware of our starting point within all this, not even seeing that we had created an entire alternate reality in and as our minds according to self interest, how could we possible say -- we could easily have created the channeling experience without even being aware of it
Within this I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that to investigate reality effectively, to uncover whether in fact there are 'higher beings' -- I would have to make sure my starting point of and as myself is completely clear and self honest -- where I would be here breathing as my physical body, immediately seeing if I would start to create an idea / belief / desire / fantasy / interpretation within my mind - and I would stop myself and and return to breath here -- in realizing that to investigate reality my starting point must be me here, breathing with and as the real reality as the physical that is here regardless of my beliefs -- not an alternate reality of illusion I create as imagination according to my self interest within my own mind -- because then I would not be seeing reality - I would be seeing my own illusion in my own mind, projected onto reality
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my channeling experience was part of a 'divine plan' unfolding - instead of realizing that there was no divine plan, and no god -- because if I had been self honest and actually self aware I would have seen that I had gradually created myself as a character in my mind constructed out of the information, ideas, definitions, stories I read in spirituality, and within my mind as this spiritual character I had placed myself within an alternate reality context also within my mind - an alternate version of earth that I constructed using the ideas and stories and and information I read in spirituality -- and wherein my thoughts, feelings and emotions were the energetic experience of this character in my mind -- where my thoughts, feelings, and emotions always reflected the self interest of the character I had created in my mind as the 'spiritual me' and wherein in facing actual physical reality here -- I really understood nothing of how this reality functions, and did not see what is actually going on 'behind the scenes' / behind the picture -- and thus, my channeling experience was in no way part of some 'divine plan' -- as the entire experience I had within myself of interpreting / perceiving the 'channeling' consisted of my own self created experience as a character within and through my own mind within which god / divinity / divine plans existed as my own ideas, beliefs and fantasies based on stories I read -- I in fact was not connected in any way to any god or divinity or higher reality -- I was connected to a video game in my mind that I was playing, completely devoid of self awareness and self honesty as I simply believed whatever experience arose within me, not realizing and seeing that I created my experiences one and equal to my starting point of what I was accepting and allowing myself to believe / create / participate in within my mind
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that when I was faced with asking a question of this 'higher self / being', I did not direct myself to ask a question -- it was the spiritual character consisting of programs of beliefs, ideas, fantasies, desires, wants, imagination, knowledge and information that directed the question for me, wherein the question 'who are you', and 'where are you' came after I accessed my imagination as the spiritual character, according to the most prominent point of self interest in me which was to contact UFOs / Aliens -- where, the idea of contacting aliens triggered a feeling experience of excitement / hope, and then within this the question formed - within the starting point of seeking / wanting / desiring / hoping for a response that will be in alignment with my hopes / desires / wants
Within this I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that as this spiritual character in my mind, I was of no benefit to life whatsoever - as I did not even for one second consider any question that could assist and support Life in me coming to any insight / realization / understanding of how to stop abuse in this world -- but I existed entirely as self interest, as a program of self interest, functioning as a character in my mind within an alternate reality I built in my mind using ideas I like which fit within my self interest -- completely removed from the physical reality as Earth as our actual Equal and One Shared reality that gave us life as human beings -- where I was separated from our actual Equality and Oneness as Life in the Physical, into my own mind of self interest where Oneness included only Me and My experience, and I believed that reality Equals My Self Interest
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that, as this spiritual character in my mind, the reason I became excited about becoming a 'successful channeling couple', was because I imagined making money doing this - making money doing something that I felt happy / good about as it was in alignment with my definitions of myself as the spiritual character in my mind
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that, had we developed our 'channeling experience' further, and actually started doing public appearances / writing books as I imagined us doing -- the only message we would have spread would have been based in our own minds as our own spiritual characters of self interest as desires, hopes, beliefs, wants, fantasies, interpretations, where we would have assisted human beings to create themselves as similar characters in their own minds -- and why? Because as the spiritual character I was happy, I felt good -- because I as the spiritual character was based on ideas / beliefs that explained all the troubles of the world away with beautiful words -- making everything seem perfect and fine and filled with hope -- so we would have become just another 'hope spreading' spiritual character couple --- where, we had absolutely no practical understanding of how this world works in terms of the world system / money system and all the institutions / infrastructure within and as it, and no insight into how even our own physical bodies function beyond the observations of science -- and we had absolutely no practical solution for any problem of this world such as poverty, starvation, war, and all the extensive amount of various abuse going on daily in this world -- and thus we would have been of no benefit to life whatsoever -- only of benefit to people with money who could make themselves feel happy by creating themselves as a spiritual character in their mind -- which would in the end benefit the most powerful elite in this world who abuse life in the name of profit and personal gain because we would have been spreading the acceptance of the current money system / world system through the delusion of hope and happiness as the preoccupation / distraction of self interest that keeps human beings from taking any action whatsoever to stand together and work together to actually make a difference in this world
To be continued with Self Corrective Commitment statements in my next post.