Day 72: Deconstructing my Channeling Experience - Part 1
Now, in my last few posts I've been deconstructing quotes from a book written by 'Esther and Jerry Hicks'. And, the way this book was written was that the husband would ask questions to the 'being' that the wife was channeling, and my 'channeling experience' worked the same way.
One evening we were sitting in my girlfriend's room on her bed, and she told me that she could right now talk to her 'higher self', and explained that she would sometimes go into these moments in which she experienced that she was 'open' to receive communications from her 'higher self'. Now, the reason we had started a relationship was because, right from the beginning we shared an interest in spirituality, new age, law of attraction, positive thinking, and I had shared with her all my knowledge about UFOS / aliens and my experience with seeing the 'blue light UFO' (see my post on deconstructing my UFO experience). And we perceived and believed that because we shared these interests, that we were 'meant to be with each other', and that we were 'soul mates' who had been with each other in 'past lives', and who always 'found each other' from life to life. We had at that stage spent hours and hours talking about how we want to use the law of attraction to become successful so we can spread the message of spirituality, with her as an actor and me as an artist.
So, we were sitting on her bed and she told me she was now in a 'channeling state', and that she had access to communications from her higher self, and that we should ask questions. I was immediately very excited, because I had read about channelers and thought the idea of receiving communications from 'higher beings' somewhere in 'higher dimensions' was really cool -- and now it was happening to me! Oh my god this is so awesome, my life is becoming cooler and cooler! I now had the opportunity to ask a 'higher being' any question I could imagine. Well, interestingly, I sat there for a moment completely blank, struggling to come up with a question to ask this 'higher being'. Finally, I asked 'who are you?' My girlfriend replied 'my higher self' -- because, the way it worked was that she would 'receive' the answer, and then speak it to me. I then asked, 'where are you?' She replied and made a gesture with her hand indicating 'up above, above us', like in space.
After these questions, my girlfriend indicated to me that she had 'gone out of' the channeling state, and the experience was then over.
Now, as I was trying to come up with a question to ask, I really could not think of anything to ask, but then I started imagining that maybe this higher being is in a spaceship up above in space, like all the aliens I was reading about in the 'galactic federation', and that's why I then asked 'who are you' and 'where are you'.
When the experience ended, the excitement gradually faded and we just 'went on with our lives'. But I was satisfied and quite happy, telling myself that I had finally found the relationship I'm supposed to be in, and that there is a great plan at work here, and a great purpose unfolding for us, where we are destined to become renowned as a 'channeling couple'.
It's really quite bizarre looking back at this experience, for a number of reasons. Firstly, why is it that when faced with asking an apparently 'higher being' that 'knows and sees all' any question I wanted, that the only questions I could come up with, arose within me only after I accessed my imagination in relation to the point of 'wow it would be really cool if this higher being is an alien in a spaceship that I could communicate with'? Why is it that the only point that existed within me when faced with asking a question, was an idea / fantasy I liked, that related to my definition of myself as a lightworker / UFO contactee? I mean, as a lightworker was I really interested in changing the world? Was I really interested in understanding how things work? Did I consider or grasp the implications of the existence of apparent 'higher beings' being channeled by someone who just 'spontaneously' entered into a 'channeling state, and who was not in fact aware of / seeing / understanding what was going on, but could only 'receive' information'? Was I interested in getting answers I could apply in understanding how to come to a solution to support life in this world? Or did I just want this 'higher being' to confirm and validate my definition of myself as a lightworker? In looking at who I was within that stage of my life, my vocabulary was even limited to the words I read in the messages and stories on spiritual websites, so would I even have been able to formulate a question about anything other than my own self definition I had formed using the definition and ideas I read within spirituality?
I mean basically I was a character constructed / programmed with the stories, ideas, messages of spirituality, who could only speak that which fit within my program as a lightworker character. And really the only information I pursued at that stage was information about light workers, UFOS, aliens, ascended masters, heaven, angels, meditation, ascension -- my entire starting point was that of 'how can I experience myself more and more as a lightworker? How can I gain access to more energy and feel more connected to a higher reality?' So, what was the point of such a channeling experience anyway? Was I really 'accessing' some 'higher, greater' dimension of reality? Was I really more 'important' than anyone else in having this experience? Was there really a 'great divine plan' at work, that I was part of? Was I of any benefit to life at all? Or was I, within this channeling experience, as with my other spiritual experiences I've deconstructed, seeking only my own benefit as the experiences I wanted to have?
To be continued with Self Forgiveness statements to follow in my next post.