Day 61: Deconstructing my Energy Vortex Experience Part 2


In this post I'm walking the Self Forgiveness and Self Corrective Commitment statements in continuation of my last post in which I described my experience with 'energy vortexes'.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that when I got excited reading about 'vortexes', it was because, as a lightworker, I basically was an 'energy enthusiast' - I got a thrill from experiencing / feeling energy, just like a roller coaster enthusiast gets a thrill from experiencing the sensations in your stomach and the g-force effects of riding roller coasters. And the reason I wanted to go to see / experience 'energy vortexes', was because I in essence wanted to go explore a new 'thrill ride' - something that would be fun, exciting, entertaining, and make me feel like there is something more to this reality than the day to day experience of making money, surviving, finding things to occupy myself with - basically as a lightworker, things like 'sacred sites', 'energy vortexes', 'holy sites', 'meditation temples' were like an amusement park where I would go and see what kind of energy experience I could have there

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to like the idea of some 'force' 'interacting with my inner being', just because I liked the idea of being contacted by / experiencing something 'more than' just 'me here' - which is also why I liked UFOs and aliens, because apparently if some mysterious and wondrous 'phenomena' exists that has the power to 'create an experience in me', that means there is a god apparently -- but within this I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that the beliefs / ideas / fantasies / definitions I connect to phenomena is what creates my experience of it as the feelings I have toward the phenomena -- and that I actually do not understand what the phenomena is which indicates that I have separated myself from what is here as this physical universe to become only a bubble of feeling experiences created through beliefs and definitions and ideas -- and why? So that something can exist which I don't understand so that I can interpret it according to the beliefs I decide I like as my self interest - - so that I can be a character experiencing myself in a movie and feel like I am 'living a cool life'

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that when I read the statement: 'the energy vortexes interact with your inner being and help facilitate meditation' -- I didn't even see and realize that my inner being is my own beliefs, ideas, definitions, thoughts, memories - the characters I have created which form my personality and my experience of myself, which I developed / constructed / evolved / upgraded from a young age and that thus in creating some fantasy about 'energy vortexes interacting with my inner being' and imagining it will be a cool energy experience that will help me meditate more, or make me feel peaceful - was just me creating a delusional fantasy based on ideas I liked

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that the reason I didn't experience anything when I visited the vortexes, was because I hadn't spent enough time specifically designing and brainwashing myself with what the experience will be - I didn't believe enough that I will experience something -- whereas, when I had experiences of energy / warmth / love when seeing lights flashing in the sky, I had already spent many many hours reading stories about aliens, love and light, higher beings, and had convinced myself effectively that aliens and ufos as 'higher beings of light and love' are 'real' and thus prepared myself effectively with a pattern of feeling that I associated / connected with these ideas that was triggered when I saw lights in the sky -- and which is why my other friends who had not spent many many hours programming in a specific pattern of feeling associated with aliens / ufos / lights in the sky -- did not have the same experience I did when they would see the same lights in the sky

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that no matter how many phenomena as 'energy experiences' I would have, it would not 'make me' into anything 'more than' what I am / who I am -- because, becoming more does not mean experiencing 'more energy' and 'more phenomena', it means becoming more effective in being able to do more for Life in aligning more and more moments of breath with physical lived action to produce a world that is best for all - where, I would have to decide to delete my characters of self interest as desires and fantasies for energy experiences that 'feel good', and 'feel cool', so that I could step into Me as Life - wherein, I would expand my consideration to More than just 'my self interest', to include all life - all beings here in and as this physical universe / existence - and expand my interest to that which is best for all life, all beings -- within which I would realize when I stand as all life, all beings as Me -- I can see that accepting and allowing the creation of characters of and as self interest has manifested / created a world of abuse and neglect and separation, as everyone has separated themselves from life, into mind bubbles through which they can then interpret and make up beliefs about what life is, in ways that will justify / make it seem okay to ignore everyone else and only focus on 'having my experience' -- a starting point through and as which we have created the current money system that does not value life, but uses life, exploits the earth, exploits and enslaves beings to create money that is then used in accessing the consumer system of 'lifestyle experiences' of various qualities according to how much money you have, wherein, when you have more money, you can 'live more' through having more access to more things to make yourself more enjoyable / comfortable
 -- just as within ourselves as 'spiritual beings' the more energy you can generate through beliefs and ideas and visualizations and more elaborate self definitions and self beliefs, the more energy experiences you can have, which make you feel like you are experiencing more of yourself -- when in fact all of us the whole time are here equally as physical bodies in the physical world -- actually ignoring each other, not standing together equally as one and living in a way where we value each other equally as Life, value the earth and animals equally as ourselves, and give to each other the best so that all can equally have More

I commit myself to stop being an 'energy enthusiast' that obsesses over finding ways to experience feelings of energy, and start valuing Life instead of valuing experiences of energy

I commit myself to realize that there may be phenomena in this world, but that what is best for all life is to firstly establish a new world system of equal money that supports all life and ends poverty and starvation and no longer allows a few to abuse life for profit as self interest, and ONLY once a new system has been established and everyone is in an Equal position of support to live and explore life - can we then investigate the various phenomena of this world - not from the starting point of interpreting phenomena through beliefs that we like, thus creating more self interest bubbles - but from the starting point of realizing that phenomena we don't understand indicates a point of and as this universe / world / existence that we have separated ourselves from and thus we must investigate how we created a reality in which we have made ourselves 'less than' what is here - and walk a journey of standing one and equal in fact with every single part / aspect of what is here so that we can eventually all stand here one and equal as the directive principle of existence and direct the entire existence as ourselves as creators to create what is best for all in all ways

I commit myself to show how a 'spiritual being' is a being that has programmed themselves with elaborate energy experiences which will be based on the specific beliefs, definitions, thoughts, fantasies, values one has given to what is here as an interpretation based on self interest - and that spiritual beings do not in fact understand and see directly how everything of and as this reality functions and is being created, and does not in fact understand how to physical support all being as humans, animals, and nature on earth effectively to have a dignified life and thus cannot claim any 'enlightened' or 'advanced' status and to do so is self dishonesty

I commit myself to show how spirituality does not understand what the 'inner being is' -- because if spirituality understood the inner being, it would assist and support beings to see how they create themselves as characters of self interest as energy experiences based on definitions, beliefs, values, ideas, fantasies - and within this would then assist and support beings with the tools to take self responsibility to ensure that we do not create ourselves in self interest but create ourselves as what is best for all always

I commit myself to stop accepting and allowing myself and others to see reality / the earth as a place that is here to 'give me cool energy experiences', and to realize that the earth is here to teach us how to live in physical equality and oneness in a way that is best for all -- where, we can see in the existence of poverty, starvation, war, abuse, that the earth as the physical reality is showing us the consequence we create through existing in self interest and neglect of what is best for all

I commit myself to establish an Equal Money system so that everyone has the Equal Freedom to travel and explore the Earth, not just people born into a 'fortunate' position - in realizing that accepting and allowing a world in which only a few have the ability to 'enjoy the earth', while most struggle daily with survival and laboring to produce goods for a system in which only a small percentage of people benefit / profit = is a system of Slavery, and slavery is supposed to have Ended, isn't it?

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