Day 54: Does God Decide Who I Am?





I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that in waiting for my reality to 'show me' when to act - I am abdicating my responsibility to decide to act in every moment, to essentially an idea of 'god' 


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept and allow an existence / world in which the afterlife is viewed as a 'mystery' belonging to god, and to use this 'mystery of god' as an excuse to not act in ways that are best for all in every moment as the deciders of ourselves, where we instead wait for 'signs' from 'god', which we use as a justification to do what we feel like / do only what we want while we are 'waiting for a sign'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the excuse that 'I don't yet understand how everything works' to justify using my time to do what I want within the apparent reason that 'I am limited because I don't yet understand everything' - instead of realizing that I see enough, I understand enough, I am aware of enough of what is going on in this world to make the decision to act in a way that is best for all in every moment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait for someone else to tell me who to decide to be so that then I will 'know' how to act -- instead of realizing that in this I am creating a point of god as something 'more than me' and saying that this point of god is that which has the authority to decide who I am - instead of realizing that - I am here with me, as me in every moment - and thus I am the one who decides who I am - as I am the one that decided who I am will exist as a 'waiting' character within which I created an idea of god to wait for -- and that, I didn't even 'know' I decided that -- because I am so powerful that I created my entire experience of feeling like I can't decide who I am without some point of god / sign telling me who to be - in one moment of decision that happened so fast I didn't even see it because I immediately trapped myself in my self created experience of 'I can't decide who I am'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that because I wanted to be able to do only what I 'want to do' - I created a world in which religion and an idea of god exists and created myself as an experience of feeling smaller than / less than myself who apparently was created by a superior god, simply so that there can apparently be something 'more than me' to which I can abdicate my responsibility to so that I can then be 'free' to use my time to do what I want, while I search for god and look / wait for signs from god to tell me what to do and who to be - where my belief in god / search for a sign from god is actually a deliberate self deception I use to make myself feel better about doing only what I want to do when in fact I see I am the one who decides in every moment who I am and within that how I will live

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, within accepting and allowing myself within myself to 'wait' for a sign from 'something / someone' to tell me what to do / who to be / how to be, accept and allow / create / give permission for a world in which all forms of waiting as the abdication of self responsibility exists --- waiting to stop poverty, waiting to stop starvation, waiting for evolution, waiting for jesus, waiting for ufos, waiting for ascension, waiting for the next politician, waiting for death, -- all the time waiting instead of realizing that we are actually in every moment already deciding what this world will be - that it will be a world of waiting for someone to tell us what to do within believing that we are not able to decide to create a different world -- just so that we can have an excuse to continue doing what 'I as the individual' want / like doing as self interest

I commit myself to show how accepting and allowing ourselves to tell ourselves there is a great mystery beyond our understanding, and getting others to agree with this mystery as within science, religion, philosophy, spirituality, we are accepting and allowing each other to exist within a starting point of doing only what we want to do as self interest -- which we cover up by telling each other / ourselves: 'oh, we can't stop the problems of this world because there is a mystery that we don't understand and thus we have no idea what the real purpose of anything is and therefore we must form belief systems about the mystery' 

I commit myself to show how standing up and deciding to change the world to a place that is best for all means the decision to stop abdicating responsibility to a point of 'mystery' as within science, religion, philosophy, spirituality, atheism and thus the end of all belief systems

I commit myself to show how as a person with money and comfort and access to information and who has the full use of all my human faculties and motor skills and limbs - I am responsible to change this world, as I see and understand how fucked up it is and how much abuse exists, and I even see that it is created through me / everyone deciding to believe in a point of god / mystery that we can abdicate our responsibility to just so that we can do what we want and feel better about allowing abuse through manipulating ourselves into feeling like 'I am too small, I don't understand enough, I must just wait for god to send me a sign, I must just wait for the mystery to be revealed in time, and only those in the distant future will be able to change this world because they will have evolved to a point of understanding the mysteries of existence'

I commit myself to stop the excuse of 'I must first 'know everything to do' to make myself feel like I can't yet create what is best for all, in realizing that I created this excuse to justify my participation within self interest which I am also creating - and thus I can create what is best for all - I just have to decide that who I am is not self interest - but is what is best for all

Further Perspective:

Day 86: Matter of Opinion


Day 85: And God Created Slaves

Day 78: Stepping out of Character

Changing the Character of the World

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