Day 51: Deconstructing Me as Memory
Here I'm having a look at the realization of how daily, as I wake up in the morning, I immediately will access / look at memories of 'yesterday' within going into a starting point of 'I must remember what I did yesterday so I know what to do today'. Within this I see myself as a memory, in the context of 'what I did, what I realized, what I planned to do the next day' -- and just before this I'll go into an experience of 'if I don't remember what I did, what I realized, then how will I know how to apply myself today, how will I remember what to do?' And all this happens in the space of a few seconds.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that when I wake up in the morning and immediately access memories of 'yesterday', that's showing that as I was walking my day I was creating / capturing moments as pictures / memories - and why would I do this? Because I was still believing that who I am must 'remember who I am', within the belief that, if I don't remember who I am', within this necessitating the act of creating / capturing memories of each moment during my day, then I'll 'forget who I am' and 'won't be able to do anything'
Within this I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that the fear of 'forgetting who I am' is showing me where I have defined who I am through 'knowledge of what I've done' - and that the reason I would define myself through 'knowledge of what I've done', is because I've defined Who I Am as that which I'm DOING, where, I created an experience of 'doing' something as my 'experience of myself' and thus in creating / capturing memories of 'what I'm doing', then I can access those memories and feel like 'I am me, I am experiencing me', and 'I know what to do in the future because I remember what I did in the past'
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that within this - I am not Living - I am just repeating the past as the creation and perpetuation of me as memories within my mind, from the starting point of having separated myself from Me here in and as my physical body, with and as the Earth, as part of the Physical reality that is here -- where instead of in every moment living here physically with and as what is Here, I am separating myself from what is here through the belief and fear that if I don't 'remember what I've done', then I won't 'be who I am' and 'won't be able to live' -- and all this because I defined myself through and as an Experience of 'doing something' -- where, the more I 'remember what I've done', the more I 'experience myself' apparently -- but, I am just experiencing a memory, a picture of the past within my own mind, and in continuing to capture / create memories of 'what I'm doing', so that I can always 'remember what I've done' to confirm that I am 'still who I am' as 'that which I do', I'm missing out on actual physical living fully here as the moment - because instead of being Here As the moment - I am in my mind capturing the moment as a picture - where, I'm not even considering all that is here in and as the moment - I'm only capturing that which is relevant to my definition of myself as 'what I do', so that I can through the memory confirm that 'ah, I exist because I can remember what I did, and what I did was in alignment with my definition of myself so I can see I am successfully being 'who I am''
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that when I am living here as the moment of breath, with all that is here as the moment, and within this standing as Life and unconditionally moving myself within what is best for all - that I do not need or require memories because who I am is not an experience of a memory of 'what I'm doing' / 'what I've done', Who I Am is Life, Who I Am is a moment of Breath, Who I Am is Self Honest Living as me Moving myself physically to produce what is best for all / align myself in physical living with and as what is / will produce what is best for all -- and, when I am living each moment fully as Life within self honesty as me moving myself within aligning myself / living myself into and as what is best for all life - then, I never need to access a 'memory' in order to 'remember how to live or what to do' -- because, who I am is not 'what I'm doing or what I've done' -- who I am is Here, as the moment -- Living as a Breath -- wherein, how can I forget who I am if I am always here as myself, living? I mean, I can only 'forget who I am', if I have defined 'who I am', as 'that which I've done in the past' -- where then I will perceive simply being here in the moment physically as impossible because to do that I would have to 'forget' the past and thus will not be able to survive as an experience of 'what I did in the past' through memory
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that memory is the preoccupation of self with the capturing of pictures / events of 'what happened to me / what I did', which I store in my mind as the 'proof' and 'confirmation' that 'I exist' and 'I am alive' according to what kind of 'doing' I've defined myself through and as -- wherein, to make sure that 'I am experiencing me' as my self definitions, the whole point of my existence / life on earth becomes the self interest of making sure that everything I do - the people in my life, the things I participate in, the way I use money, is in alignment with supporting me to be able to experience only events that are in alignment with my definition of myself so that I can then capture these events as memories / pictures in my mind to then access daily to confirm to myself that I am 'me'
Within this I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that in defining myself as an experience of 'specific events' within which I 'do specific things' according to my specific definitions of myself, I am preoccupying myself to not have to face what is in fact HERE in every moment - to face how I am in fact living in every moment - because, if I were to give up my memories and just be Here - I would see that within my physical participation in this world / in my life I have only ever lived in self interest as the alignment of my participation and relationships with creating events for me to capture as memories so I can 'experience who I am' as my definition of myself -- and that, I was never considering the experience of all beings here in and as this world - I was never considering Life, never considering how to live in a way that will produce a world that is best for all, because I was never considering All - I was only considering my own experience of me as memories -- and why? Because I feared facing the conflict, war, abuse, neglect of life that exists within this world as the consequence of everyone living only for the production of memories to confirm their self definitions of themselves - and because I believed that if I were to live without memory, I would 'forget' who I am and would 'not exist' -- instead of realizing that, in living without memory the only thing that would not exist is me as an experience of memories -- but, I will still be here as my physical body, as a breath -- and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself to live as a breath within what is best for all
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I require memories in order to live - instead of realizing that as breath here, standing as Life, living Self Honestly in moving myself in every moment in aligning myself with what is best for all / will produce what is best for all - I do not require memories, because - as Life I Express me as who I am, and thus the point is to in every moment live the decision that Who I Am is Life, is Self Honesty, is Best for All - and to within this remove all definitions of myself where I defined myself through 'doing', and through 'memories of what I've done', and to stop the creation of / capturing of memories until I am here in all ways, in every moment as Life in fact, physically - with no mind experience defined through memories - -- where, then I don't even have to 'decide' to be life - because, I have birthed myself as Life in fact
I commit myself to, at the end of the day, look to see if any memory arises - and to delete any memory that I see I created during my day, and identify any point of self definition through 'doing' that I participated in during my day, and delete the self definition, deleting all memories until I am just here as a breath, empty - realizing - I do not have to 'remember my day' -- because, 'I' am not a memory -- I am HERE Living in and as this moment
I commit myself to, when and as the fear of 'forgetting' arise within me, I realize I am accessing a fear I automated as a survival mechanism to ensure I continue producing memories to be able to experience myself as a point where I defined myself through 'doing / what I have done' -- and I identify any self definition and delete it, and delete the fear, in realizing - I don't have to 'remember' who I am - because I am Here, living as who I am in and as this moment - how can I possibly forget myself if I am here in every moment? Impossible
I commit myself to stop identify and stop all the ways where I see I shape / mold my life / the people in my life to fit a self definition through 'doing' and through specific 'events' so I can 'experience' me as a self definition confirmed through memories of 'doing' certain things - and within this I commit myself to aligning myself as a physical being here as breath in every moment, with the walking of / living of that which will produce what is best for all -- and whenever I see I am desiring to produce an experience for myself -- I stop and delete the desire and let go of the experience, and return Here to Breath and Move Me as Self Honesty within aligning myself with that which will produce what is best for all
I commit myself to trust myself to live Here as a Breath in self honesty as the moving of myself to align who I am in all moments, all scenarios, all relationships, all contexts with what is best for all and to live this alignment into reality as a living change where I physically change me in the moment in my physical living / participation - until I have in fact birthed myself as Life as what is best for all that stands eternally immovable in all dimensions and scenarios
I commit myself to show how in defining ourselves as an experience of 'remembering what I've done', we've ignored life completely and manifested a world where life is neglected / ignored in the pursuit of creating memories so we can 'experience ourselves' apparently -- all the while missing the fact that who we really are is not an experience of memory but is Life, and that as Life living Here Equally as One in and as the Physical we require no memories
I commit myself to, when I wake up in the morning, breathe and immediately stop all memory creation and delete any memory that arise within me, and apply self forgiveness on any point of fear / backchat as 'I must remember what I did so I can remember what to do' - in realizing that who I am is not 'what I did' - Who I Am is Here as a Breath in every moment and all I must do is just Live Here as the Moment - I do not require memory
I commit myself to show how what is here does not need to be 'remembered' - because, what is here is here, and I am here - so I simply look at what is here, work with what is here - standing one and equal with / integrating what is here as Me