Day 8: Deciding Who I Am so I Can Live
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that Who I Am is what I Do, and to within this try to create myself through doing, and express myself through doing - within this not allowing myself to see that what I am doing has been based on what I've seen others doing, and that I tried to establish myself as Life through doing, not seeing that Life does not Do - Life Lives - and life can only Live if Life knows itself - if LIfe knows WHO it is - because then what I do as Life will come from Who I Am - not the other way around
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that the reason I've experienced frustration with myself and my world and feel like I am just not doing what is ME - is because I have not considered ME - not considered Who I Am, not considered WHO I will decide I AM in every moment - I have not included ME within what I am doing - I have rather made me into a projection consisting of 'doing things', believing that if I can just 'find the right things to do', then I will 'find myself', and then I will 'feel like I am living' - instead of realizing that I cannot find myself in Doing - because, what I do is already actually based on ME - based on Who I Am -- and that since I have not actually considered Who I Am - I have left Who I Am undefined, and gotten lost in Doing, trying to find myself when I am already Here - but just have not considered Who I will decide I Am
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that in leaving myself undefined - in not Deciding Who I Am in every moment, then I constantly try and be something through finding something to Do
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize and see that the reason I still compare myself to others is because I have not decided Who I Am, and thus have been looking for a way to be the Best me I can be, through finding things to DO - and since I have not decided what is the Best me, through Deciding Who I Am, I have been looking at what others are doing to see what I can Do that I have seen others get the best feedback from doing - and thus have DOomed myself to constantly comparing what I am doing now and the feedback I am getting, to what I see others are doing and the feedback they are getting
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that responsibility is not in Doing - it is in Who I Am - I must decide that Who I Am is responsible - and that I have not been living Responsibility as Myself fully, but rather looking for ways to DO what is the responsible thing to Do - thus why, when I am not DOING something - I don't FEEL responsible - because I have defined responsibility as a Doing - instead of Deciding that I am Responsible. And what is Responsibility? In Common sense, it is to do what is best for all. Wherein, Self Honesty comes in - where I am Self Honesty in seeing, uncovering, realizing where I am not what is best for all, to then change myself to what is best for all - not through Doing - but through Deciding that I Am what is best for all -- and, when I see what is Best for All, and decide that is Who I Am - then I can let go of 'trying to do what is best for all' -- because it is about Living what is best for all in every moment, as a decision I make in every moment -- it is self expression - because I have decided that myself is what is best for all -- and, I can only make this decision as Life - when I have decided that I am Life - because - how can I express myself when I have not decided I am Life? If I am not life, then there is only doing - not Living
And how can I expand my Self Honest Living as Life, here as Responsibility? I can decide that Who I Am is self dedication, self commitment, self trust, self specificity - I expand my definition of myself, of Who I Am, to include that which supports me to Live the Best I can in every moment - so that I do not leave any doors open for confusion and apathy - because, what do I as Life need, to live, to express myself fully in every moment in considering what is Best for all? I need self dedication, I need self commitment, I need self acceptance, I need self trust, I need self responsibility -- Therefore, I am self commitment, I am self dedication, I accept me, I trust me, I am responsible, I am self honesty, I am self expansion -- And within this, anything that arise within me, anything that I encounter within me as WHAT I currently am, that does not support me in Living WHO I AM as Life, as Self Honesty, as Self Commitment, as Self Dedication, as Self Expansion, as Self Trust, as Self Expression, as Responsibility, as What is Best for All = I delete with self forgiveness to empty myself of that which I have decided is not Who I Am - simple.
And within this, I look at my natural self expression - my passion - that which I see I can Live in being the Best Me I can be in this life, in this world, in supporting the creation of a world that is Best for All. My passion is music - therefore, I Am Music, I Am what is Best for All, I Am the Voice of Life - because I Am Life, I Am Self Dedication, I Am Self honesty, I Am Self Expression, I Am Self Commitment, I Am Responsibility, I Am Self Trust, I Am Here, I Am Breath, I Am Specificity.
I Commit myself to investigate the words that I see will Support me in Living as the Best Me I can be - in Creating me as the Best Me I can Be, in Creating me as What is Best for All -- I Commit myself to defining words in support of Me as the Best Me I can Be, and Living these Words in every moment as Who I Am -- so that I can stop Doing, and Start Living -- so that I do not have to 'look for what to do' -- Because I have Decided Who I Am, and then what 'I Do', will simply be Equal and One with Who I Am, as Me Living.
I commit myself to identifying where I have defined myself through Doing, delete my self definition as Doing, and then look in Self Honesty at whether or not I can Live that point in support of Who I Am as Life, as the Best, most Effective Me I can Be as what is Best for All, as Self Expression, as Responsibility, as Expansion, as Self Dedication, as Self Commitment, as Nourishment and Nurturing of Myself as Life, practically, within the context of the time and conditions and environment I have to work with.
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