Day 19: Blame and the Secret Evil Dictator
blame my partner for not doing the things / saying the things that support me to keep hiding what I actually allow in myself / what exists in me, wherein me blaming my partner for 'making me frustrated / angry / upset' is actually me angry / upset / frustrated that I have to face my own reactions / backchat / the truth of me that I hide in my secret mind, where I then use blame to try and manipulate my partner into changing / behaving in ways that will support me to keep hiding the truth of myself as my reactions and backchat in my secret mind
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a secret mind to exist in me where I hide / bury / suppress my judgments, desires, ideas, beliefs, definitions, where they reside as the basis of my patterns of reactions, feelings, emotions, desires, fears, anxieties, backchats, where then, because I hide from the truth of myself, but because it still exists in me, as me - I then allow the experiences of feelings, reactions, emotions, fears, desires, anxieties, backchats - which exist as emotional polarity of positive and negative experiences - to direct my participation with others in my world from the starting point of manipulating / trying to control others to only behave in ways that support the 'nice positive experiences' of feelings in me, and support me to keep suppressing / hiding from the 'unpleasant negative experiences' as emotions, reactions, anxieties, fears -- and where I then blame my world / blame others when they become the mirror that forces me to face the unpleasant / negative experiences within me which are based on my own accepted and allowed judgments, ideas, beliefs, definitions which I have suppressed / hidden in my secret mind
I forgive myself that I have within this accepted and allowed myself to exist as an evil dictator that wants to control the world to support me to feel good and hide from the ugly truth of myself as my own secret mind
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage my relationships with blame, where I end relationships and try to make others feel bad / guilty when I can't get my way as 'having everyone only support me to maintain my nice pleasant experiences of feelings and enable me to keep suppressing the truth of myself as my secret mind'
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a world of secret minds in which humans hide the ugly truth of themselves as their judgments / ideas / beliefs / definitions and manipulate each other to try and escape facing / taking responsibility for what exists in them
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the existence of the evil of love used as a manipulation tool where one says, 'I won't love you unless you accept me for who I am and say and do the things that make me feel good' - threatening others with rejection and hate unless they support me to keep hiding the truth of myself as my secret mind
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe positivity and surrounding myself with positive people is 'good for me' and 'good for the world', instead of realizing that I only 'think positive', and surround myself with 'positive people' so I can manipulate myself and my world to support me to hide from the ugliness of my secret mind which I have judged to be 'negative' - which exists as the same self interest, judgments, fears, desires that cause all the ugliness in the world -- wherein, I only react to the ugliness of the world because I have not taken responsibility for my own inner ugliness as my secret mind and actually changed myself -- because if I had actually changed myself and established real, practical ways of living without ugliness toward my fellow beings, I would not react to the ugliness of the world and run away into 'positivity'
I commit myself to stop accepting and allowing myself to hide my secret mind from myself through entertaining myself / occupying myself with 'nice feelings', and dedicate myself to taking responsibility to face all of what I allow in my secret mind as judgments, fears, desires, self interest, definitions, ideas, beliefs, and through self forgiveness remove that of myself which does not stand as what is best for all
I commit myself to stop accepting and allowing a secret mind space to exist within me and commit myself to stop presenting false faces as lies and deception to others, using the excuse that 'well it's in my secret mind and they can't see it so I can pretend it doesn't exist'
I commit myself to expose the evil of love as the manipulation tool used by humans to control each other through the threat of hate / rejection to behave in ways that support each other to keep hiding their secret minds from themselves and each other
I commit myself to stop the lie of positivity and to stand equal and one with the totality of what I have accepted and allowed as my secret mind, so that I can face my secret mind and remove it with self forgiveness statements made in the clarity of seeing in self honesty what supports what is best for all and what does not
I commit myself to stop blaming others when I react and feel bad, realizing that in blaming others I am trying to manipulate them to obey my my law as a dictator that dictates that anyone in my presence must only say and do that which supports me to hide my inner ugliness as my secret mind so I can only experience 'nice feelings' and deceive others with a presentation of 'calmness', 'goodness', 'wisdom', and 'love'
I commit myself to read the blogs of those who have already been walking a process of stopping their secret mind for years, so I can learn by example how to give effective direction to my mind and stop pretending my mind is a mysterious force beyond my ability to take responsibility for
I commit myself to stop whining and complaining that it's 'too hard' to change myself, and allow myself to let go and laugh with joy at my good fortune at having found in these blogs the practical tools to transform myself into a being of substance who can make a real difference through standing as an example of how it is possible for humanity to change