Day 4 - Living the Choice of What I Truly Want
|Participation Re-defined as a Living Word|
Artwork by Matti Freeman
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think about other things I'd rather be doing whenever I sit down to write a blog or work on a project or assignment within which I still am pushing myself through resistance that comes up - resistance I see I experience because these points are not 'easy', and not all automated yet - whereas, points like entertainment are easy because they require no pushing to develop and perfect my abilities and understanding of myself and the world and are thus easy to automate.
With the points where I experience resistance, I am still in the process of automating them through pushing myself to be consistent in my application; in learning the skills I need to learn to effectively use certain software, and developing insight / standing equal and one with what is here as this world / myself through writing and research and re constructing my patterns to be supportive of what is best for all. Basically, I am in the process of daily pushing myself to restructure every aspect of my participation to be aligned with working toward a world that is best for all.
Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, when the resistance comes up, tell myself 'I don't want to do this', and to then think about other things that would be easier to do
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to equate 'easier things' with 'things I want to do' - instead of looking at the common sense that, since I want a world that is best for all where unnecessary bullshit based on self interest no longer exists and we can all have fun -- those points that I resist doing, which are the points where I am busy creating myself in actual living participation as a being that does what is best for all - are actually what I want to be doing -- whereas, if I were to just sit around and entertain myself and not push myself to change my patterns = I would not be working toward that which I want, which is a world that is best for all
Therefore, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to equate wants with entertainment / relaxation only, instead of realizing that in basing my patterns of participation in this world on entertainment / relaxation only, I am making the statement that that is the world I want - a world where everyone only focus on entertainment and relaxation - which at the moment means that we are all left wanting - as we are currently in a system within which life is not supported and one must participate in a system of abusing what is here for profit, in order to make money to be able to have time to focus on entertainment and relaxation - a system within which there are billions suffering in the want for even basic living requirements
Thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought of 'I'd rather be entertaining myself and relaxing' to exist within and as me, and to come up when I encounter resistance to changing my patterns during my day, and I commit myself to, in every moment living my choice of that which I in fact want, which is a world that is best for all.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider what I as Life - life that is equal in all, would actually want
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to condition myself through years of disappointment and struggle to survive and find a way to live comfortably, to believe that 'all I want is to just relax and entertain myself' - and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage my opportunity to make a difference in this world, by allowing myself to accept that life equates to 'working all day and then entertaining myself'
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become addicted to the various forms of entertainment available to me in the current money system, as a way to escape my daily struggle and dissatisfaction with the life I actually am living
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that in focusing only on entertainment and relaxation to escape my work day as my 'goals in life', that I am saying I've already given up on myself - that I believe I cannot change and make a difference, and this world cannot be anything but what it is now
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that entertainment and relaxation is a point of balance, to be partaken when I have fulfilled my daily responsibilities as a human being to contribute to the fullness of my capacity to ensuring that the needs of All are fulfilled - which, in the context of the way the world currently exists, is to work toward implementing a solution for this world to bring life out of its current condition of neglect, suffering and enslavement through self interest, into conditions that are supportive of all life to flourish, grow, expand, express, and reach the fruition of its potential
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be brainwashed by capitalism to equate life to the 'pursuit of happiness' - and within this I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that 'happiness' exists as that 'perfect state of bliss' within which all the troubles of the world / life melt away / melt into the background and all that exists is me with my happiness -- wherein, in accepting myself to exist within and as such a starting point of 'pursuing happiness', I continue to accept the world as it is and participate in the money system from the starting point of using my money to find ways to 'make myself happy' -- instead of using my time here in this life to dedicate every day of my life to working toward a solution for this world that enables all life to enjoy itself without being left wanting to find an experience of escape as 'happiness'
Therefore I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want and desire 'happiness', and to define 'me living' as 'me being here experiencing happiness' -- and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that the reason I resist dedicating my time to doing what is best for all and changing my patterns, is because I have programmed myself to only do that which 'makes me happy / makes the problems of my life / the world melt into the background'
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that 'life is good' when I am experiencing happiness when I am entertaining myself / relaxing - instead of realizing that my feeling of happiness is not in fact 'melting' away my problems or the problems of this world - but that I am melting myself out of reality into a bubble of self interested escapism to not have to face and work toward a solution for this world
Therefore I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse entertainment and relaxation by becoming addicted to it as a form of escape, and I commit myself to changing my patterns and establishing a balance in my life - wherein, instead of living for entertainment and relaxation - I live for a world that is best for all, and I partake of entertainment and relaxation as the balance point when I have done all that I can in my day to work toward a world that is best for all.