Showing posts from April, 2012

Day 7: Relationship Failures: But we were both so Spiritual!

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, when I met X, and learned that she shared my interest in spirituality and new age, believe that I am 'supposed to be in a relationship' with her, because, up until that point I had not met anyone who shared my interest in spirituality and new age the same way -- within this I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see and realize that, in believing that we are 'supposed to' be in a relationship because we shared an interest, I was accepting the individual interests of people to have directive principle over when and how relationships form
I forgive myself that I did not accept and allow myself to see and realize that the reason I felt that X was the 'one for me' in relation to learning she shared my interest in spirituality and new age, was because up until that point I had not met anyone who supported my definition of myself and the world that I had formulated taking knowledge and informat…

Day 6: Relationship with Change

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that, I cannot expect humanity to just 'evolve' and 'eventually change' - because within this I am accepting humanity as it is right now, and not taking responsibility to change myself - the example I will leave for this world is that of accepting humanity as it is, and just 'waiting' for some 'evolution' to take place.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize and see that the way humanity exists as a whole, consists of the way we each participate with each other through and within the relationships we have established with ourselves and each other, and the earth. And thus I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that, we cannot change through some 'future point of evolution', because we must actually direct our change, move ourselves in changing the nature of the relationships we create.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that, w…

Day 5: Prioritization and Discipline in Walking my Day

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow myself to keep neglecting to prioritize my day at the beginning of the day, so I can establish the practical direction I must give to how I walk my day, thus continually timelooping on the point of going into a moment of blame when someone else does not give direction to something that must be done, wherein, when I see something that needed to get done that day, did not get done, I, within myself feel annoyed and immediately go to a point of blame as 'why didn't that person give direction to that thing that needed to get done?' when in actuality my annoyance has nothing to do with anyone else, but I was actually annoyed with myself because I did not give direction to every point in my day, in the specificity that I would like, and was left wanting such specificity of direction to be taken by someone else
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into annoyance and immediately look for s…

Day 4 - Living the Choice of What I Truly Want

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think about other things I'd rather be doing whenever I sit down to write a blog or work on a project or assignment within which I still am pushing myself through resistance that comes up - resistance I see I experience because these points are not 'easy', and not all automated yet - whereas, points like entertainment are easy because they require no pushing to develop and perfect my abilities and understanding of myself and the world and are thus easy to automate. 
With the points where I experience resistance, I am still in the process of automating them through pushing myself to be consistent in my application; in learning the skills I need to learn to effectively use certain software, and developing insight / standing equal and one with what is here as this world / myself through writing and research and re constructing my patterns to be supportive of what is best for all. Basically, I am in the process of dail…

Day 3 - Ego of wanting to Receive but not Give Support

As I walk my days here on the farm, working with a group of people who are also walking their processes, working together to get all the work done that is required to ensure farm life flows smoothly and effectively for all, I have certain responsibilities and duties that I perform every day, because it is within my capacity to take on such responsibilities and make such contributions. These contributions also include working on the internet in the capacity of supporting the movement of the group in publishing and sharing our research and findings regarding how to support ourselves as humans and the earth to create a new world that is best for all. I do this because I also publish blogs, music, research, videos, and I would like my work to be supported effectively, so I support others' work effectively. A simple point of give to others what I would like for myself - wherein, when each of us as the group support each other effectively as we would like to be supported, there is equa…

Day 2. Being Self Honest about Emotional Possession

In the Russian news, a man who got angry in reaction to the service of salespeople in a car showroom, got into his car and drove it into the showroom, hitting multiple cars. He was complete 'sober'.

Now, most of us will never in our lives get to the point of such an extreme act of anger / emotion; we just hear about it in the news. But in my process of Self Honesty, working with writing to walk through how I participate with myself, in my world, and with other beings, I've thus far found many scenarios within my life where I have accepted and allowed anger / emotion to cause me to participate with violence in ways that I would not have previously defined as 'violent'.

For example, getting frustrated with fixing something, and going into a momentary emotional 'possession' where I smack something or move something aggressively / roughly / with anger, or clench my teeth or fists, whereas, the moment before - such aggressiveness / anger seemed not to exist in me …

Day 1. Self Forgiveness on Accepting a Subconscious and Unconscious Mind

Today I watched an episode of Stargate Atlantis. In the episode, one of the characters gets trapped in a small spaceship underwater, and has limited time in which he can be rescued.
A little while into his ordeal, he starts hallucinating that a colleague of his is down there with him, and this colleague starts giving him advice. The main character realizes this hallucination is based on his subconscious memories, and that it was the stress of his situation that brought on the hallucination.

Within this scenario, what I found interesting was that this person realizes that his own subconscious mind is projecting this person constructed of his own thoughts and memories about another person, but simply accepts it as quite a 'normal' thing to happen in his situation. In fact, within psychology in this world in general, and with the average person, it is completely accepted that one simply has layers and dimensions of memories, thoughts, fears, desires, beliefs, 'hidden' wi…