Thursday, October 23, 2014

Day 275: Stuck in the Comfort Zone - Part 2: 'I'm not made for this world'

Continuing from:
Day 274: Stuck in the Comfort Zone

In my last post I started describing the point of change that I'm facing, which is to really live fully in taking action to create an effective life for myself -- which, within how the world exists at the moment, starts with establishing financial stability. And, in my case, in order to really make the best use of the time I have in this life, in the journey to bring about a world that is best for all, I require a substantial income. Establishing this substantial income requires that I step outside of my comfort zone - which, has always been a challenge for me in my life, in regards to jobs and making money.

In the last post I described how fear of failure plays a role in the resistance I experience toward taking effective action and stopping postponement, but I would say that the actual primary experience that I see I allow to stand in my way, is the experience of apathy. I developed an apathy toward the effort and time commitment and risk taking required with really getting myself 'into the system' effectively. This is primarily because I had always had a desire to pursue creativity within me, and yet I didn't have the patience to wait and deal with jobs, college, rules, qualifications -- I wanted to be able to do it 'now', and I tended to view the system, to view the requirement of making money, as a limitation being placed on me, and I had the idea that there must be 'some other way' of being able to live my life -- some other way that supports me in my - I would call it 'free spiritidness'. In looking at this, I would say I always had the view of myself, the idea of myself that I am 'unique', and that I am not 'made for this world', and so always expected and believed there 'must be another way'.

So, looking at this idea of myself as 'unique', and 'not made for this world', I can see this has played the primary role in me forming an apathetic experience toward work, toward rules, toward the time and effort and dedication and discipline required to really get to a point of effective income in this system.

It's interesting because at the farm one time, Bernard asked me what very creative and expressive people like Freddy Mercury and Eminem had in common in their lives. I didn't immediately have an answer. Bernard pointed out that what they had in common is that --- they LIVED.

Since he pointed out this point, my perspective changed, and I've since seen the point of how, if I really am dedicated to my self expression -- I mean, I will do whatever it takes to express myself -- I'll get out there and I'll go for it and I will give it my ALL. This was always something that was missing from myself in my life. I never had a real goal, I never had much motivation. I tended to spend more time imagining what things could be like, rather than really living. And now, I can see this is primarily because of the idea of myself that I am 'unique', and 'not made for this world', and that 'there must be another way for ME'. And I can see how this idea of myself has still been here within me, resulting in me still tending to go into a position of judgment and blame toward 'the system', and going into like, a depressive point where I have no motivation.

So in the next post, I'll walk Self Forgiveness on this idea of myself, and see what self corrections open up from there.

Day 274: Stuck in the Comfort Zone

A primary pattern I've facing, and have been facing for some time, is the point of stopping postponement of the actions I see are required to be taken, and that I in fact have the ability to take, to establish an effective income for myself so that I have the support I need to be able to really do what I see I could do with my life. At this stage my priority option for an effective income is the business I am involved in. However within this business point I am faced with the all the points where I have experienced the most resistance and fears in my life. In order to build my business, I have to step outside of my comfort zone.  

This presents a challenge because throughout my life whenever I'd be faced with stepping outside of my comfort zone into things I've not done before, I will immediately access fear of failure and experience a resistance, and my motivation will drop and I will feel like I just can't move myself to take the next step, and I'll end up passing up opportunities and staying in my comfort zone.

This ends up not being a cool thing at all, because with each point where I don't take an opportunity, don't push myself through a resistance, don't push through the fear of failure and I end up deciding to stick with my comfort zone, I start to accumulate frustration and a feeling of powerlessness. And, the reason I have this experience is because I in fact see that I have the potential to do more, to become more, to expand myself outside of my comfort zone and I see that, if I were to do this consistently - to live without fear, to live fully, to fully go for it whenever an opportunity opens up, I would actually be satisfied, because - I wouldn't be suppressing myself. The fact is, when I give in to a resistance, to a fear of failure, and I stay in my comfort zone -- I am suppressing myself. I am not allowing myself to live. And, what happens is that any small comfort and relief I get from moments where I 'avoid my fear of failure' by not 'going for it' -- really doesn't last and really is not worth it. And what ends up happening is that I start to accumulate more and more frustration, which turns to resentment and anger, where I'll become spiteful within myself, blaming 'things' for being the way they are, and telling myself it's not fair that I must be in this position where I have to do things I would rather not do, in order to reach my potential and establish an effective life.

I my next post I'll continue opening up this point.

Sunday, October 19, 2014

Day 273: CEOs are easy to blame - but how are we the same as them?

"The newly installed boss of Microsoft (NasdaqGS: MSFT - news) has come under fire for telling women they do not need to ask for pay rises, relying instead on "karma".
The comments were made by CEO Satya Nadella while he was speaking in Arizona at an event for women in computing.
Mr Nadella was asked to give his advice to women who are uncomfortable requesting a salary raise.
He replied that women should have faith that the system will give them the right raises as they go along.
"It's not really about asking for the raise, but knowing and having faith that the system will actually give you the right raises as you go along," Mr Nadella told the Grace Hopper Celebration of Women in Computing.
"Because that's good karma... It'll come back because somebody's going to know that's the kind of person that I want to trust."
The comments by India-born Mr Nadella, who has a remuneration package of around $7m (£4.3m), sparked a torrent of criticism on social media.
"Truly horrified that Satya Nadella could tell women at Grace Hopper not to ask for raises," tweeted Julie Bort.
"Wow Microsoft, That's a new low for you," Isik Mater tweeted in response.
"I'll wait for Karma to lower my #xboxlive price too," tweeted Chuck Granade.
Several hours after his comments, Mr Nadella tried to patch up the damage on Twitter (Xetra:A1W6XZ - news) .
"Was inarticulate re how women should ask for raise," he tweeted.
"Our industry must close gender pay gap so a raise is not needed because of a bias."
Microsoft also posted an all-staff memo from the CEO on its website.
In it, Mr Nadella said he answered the question posed by interviewee Maria Klawe "completely wrong".
"Without a doubt I wholeheartedly support programmes at Microsoft and in the industry that bring more women into technology and close the pay gap," Mr Nadella wrote.
"I believe men and women should get equal pay for equal work.
"And when it comes to career advice on getting a raise when you think it’s deserved, Maria's advice was the right advice. If you think you deserve a raise, you should just ask."
Mr Nadella's remarks at the Grace Hopper conference have the potential to harm both sales of Microsoft products and the appeal for female tech workers in Silicon Valley to work for the IT giant.
Of more than 100,000 employees at Microsoft, only 29% are female, according to data released by the firm recently.
The controversy comes just days after reports of the deteriorating relationship between Microsoft founder Bill Gates and its former CEO Steve Ballmer." 

It's fascinating how easily outrage and offense is sparked when public figures make comments about how people should live their lives and how people should look at things, like in this case where Microsoft's CEO brought his 'personal beliefs' involving Karma into an issue, suggesting how women should 'have faith' that they'll get a raise, because I guess 'karma' will somehow help you get a raise if you are good at your job.

Mr. Nadella's beliefs and public position aside, how many people in this world can self honestly say that they don't justify another's limitation or unequal treatment, through some form of belief or opinion?

How about poverty? How about the fact that those of us with jobs and lives of our own, pretty much are unaffected by the fact billions of people live on less than $2 dollars a day around the world? I mean, we all know there are people around the world that spend MOST of their time working, trying to survive, getting paid almost nothing. What about their Equal Pay? Is it okay for someone to exist in poverty even though they spend most of their time working, just because they don't have a master's degree and don't work for some big important company? Who made up that rule? God? Nature? Doesn't the fact that we can spend an entire lifetime prioritizing our entertainment, lifestyle, fashion, hobbies, vacations, weddings, families, above solutions to bring people out of horrific conditions of poverty, indicate that we are, each and every second of each and every day justifying the existence of such conditions, using our personal beliefs and opinions?

'It's still a developing country'
'It's god's plan'
'It's because they don't want to change their condition'
'It's just part of life'
'There's nothing I can do'
'My happiness is what's important'

How many times have you or someone you know talked about Karma, or God, or 'the Universe', or 'Evolution', or whatever the hell other form of 'higher power' or 'behind the scenes forces' you can come up with, and told yourself that this or that event or experience happened as a result of this apparent 'force'?

How much more suffering do we have to allow to happen before we'll finally be outraged at ourselves and what we've allowed in the name of protecting our own self interests and beliefs?

We're a long way from sorting out all the inequality that is allowed on Earth. It's going to take Self Honesty.

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