Saturday, September 27, 2014

Day 270: How I've changed since I redefined the word Daring

In this post I'm sharing what I've experienced and how I've changed since I redefined the word 'Daring' for myself. For context, read the following blogs:

Day 252: Living Words: Daring
http://www.matterfreeman.com/2014/04/day-252-he-who-dares-lives.html
Day 253: How I Realized I am not Limited to What I Prefer Doing
http://www.matterfreeman.com/2014/04/day-253-how-i-realized-i-am-not-limited.html
Day 254: Letting go of Past Failures and Daring to Live
http://www.matterfreeman.com/2014/05/day-254-letting-go-of-past-failures-and.html
Day 255: Dealing with Nervousness Practically
http://www.matterfreeman.com/2014/05/day-255-dealing-with-nervousness.html

I had initially investigated the word Daring because I had been really struggling with the experience of fear of failure and the resistance to taking the actions necessary to move and open up the business I am involved in, which is a business based on meeting people and doing sales presentations. I had found that the statement that really summed up the pattern I've been walking with for most of my life, is the statement of 'I fear taking risks' -- and in that, seeing that in order to expand myself beyond my limitations, I'm going to have to find it in myself to Dare to take risks -- to dare to walk into situations where I do not know the outcome.

The following Self Forgiveness statement from Day 255: Dealing with Nervousness Practically http://www.matterfreeman.com/2014/05/day-255-dealing-with-nervousness.html shows the basic nature of the pattern I had been living as myself in relation to taking risks and facing the possibility of failure:
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to secretly sabotage myself from changing / going beyond my comfort levels through projecting / imagining an idea of 'the perfect outcome / scenario' of how something could go, and then comparing myself to this projection and looking for reasons / little things about myself that I see could possibly prevent me from achieving this 'perfect outcome', and to within this imagine / have the idea that others are going to expect me to live up to 'the perfect outcome' as well, and to then within this imagine myself failing and experiencing embarrassment and humiliation
In essence the construct I've been walking with for many years is that of remaining in my comfort zones where I know I 'can't fail', and also the chance of making mistakes is minimal. Where within this, the fear is actually coming from past experiences where I had made a mistake / not been able to do something effectively, and then I had judged myself and reacted within an emotion of humiliation / embarrassment. Where, what I saw is that I'm not actually in fact fearing the situation itself - meaning, not what's physically involved, but rather fearing myself experiencing those emotions again, because I had set up a relationship to the physical scenario / situation of 'IF I fail / make a mistake = THEN I am embarrassed / humiliated'.

It's fascinating because within this I had then started approaching situations from the starting point of 'I can / will only do this if I can make it perfect and have a perfect outcome where I don't make mistakes or fail' --- so as to not experience those emotions that I fear. And yet, then when I would move myself to go beyond my comfort zone -- I was basically setting myself up to experience failure because I was coming from this idea of the perfect outcome and then if I would make a mistake -- I would immediately go into humiliation / experiencing myself as a failure / not able to do this.

So, my previous relationship / definition with the word 'Daring' -- was that this is a bad / negative thing because it involves taking RISKS, and risks are bad because that means there is the possibility of failure and making mistakes -- and that is bad / negative because = that means I'm going to experience those emotions of failure / humiliation / embarrassment.

So, within this I saw that I'm not actually working with Reality -- I'm not actually working with my real potential - I'm not working with the situation practically, but I'm operating within my mind in an alternate reality of fear motivating me to attempt to create a perfect outcome to avoid what I fear and in that, setting myself up to fail and repeat the whole cycle.

So within this, as you can read in the above posts I linked, I realized and saw that, it's really not necessary to react to failures and mistakes because -- nothing bad is ACTUALLY happening, I mean, I'm not in physical pain or anything, I'm actually FINE. The only point where I'm not fine, is in my mind where I had defined myself within the idea that it's apparently 'humiliating and embarrassing' to fail and make mistakes. I saw that I'd already proven to myself that in failing / making a mistake, what I can do is simply look at where I need to be more effective, and then walk the practical steps of improving my skills or changing my approach or whatever = not a big deal.

So let's look at how I redefined Daring in a previous post:

So the point I see here where I've been limiting myself is through deciding that 'I just can't be comfortable with taking risks', and 'I'm only comfortable with keeping it safe and staying away from taking risks' -- when, I've already proven to myself that in Daring to take a risk - that's where I learn the most about myself and where I have the best opportunity to really expand my expression and my skills beyond mere potential, into a living fact of what I can do. And - nothing 'bad' ever happens when I fail - because all that's required is to simply get more effective and try again! 
I've been living the word Daring in my mind as a word defined through memories of emotional experiences - perpetuating a cycle of fear and limitation. But I see I can change the way I'm living this word so that it becomes a practical resource through which I can nourish and support my self expansion in living to my full potential.
So, to redefine the word Daring as a Living Word I can stand by / as into eternity:
When and as I am faced with an opportunity to step into / explore a point of potential I see I have, within expanding my expression into / as skills / abilities that involve risk of possible failure in order to develop / follow through with, I commit myself to realize that I can be comfortable within myself, with myself, as I am walking this point of risk-taking, as I have already proven to myself that I am able to stand through / within outcomes of failure and - nothing 'bad' actually happens.
 
I see and realize the potential within me to be comfortable with / within Daring to take risks, and thus, when and as I am faced with an opportunity to move beyond a limitation in my expression / abilities, and I see the potential within me to expand, I commit myself to stand within and as my potential, and decide to be daring, decide to take on the risk with a passion, within realizing that in this I will really get to know my expression and my potential for real, in real time - and within this I commit myself to dare to live without memories, and to stop underestimating myself through projections based on past failures, and start estimating myself IN REAL TIME based on what I am discovering in real time about myself through daring to take risks.
Okay so, how has this definition worked out for me so far?
Well, specifically in relation to my business, firstly what I notice is that it no longer feels like 'a big deal' to 'get out there' and meet people, talk about my business, make appointments, and do presentations, because I'm not approaching the point from an idea of 'a perfect outcome without mistakes', but rather I am walking Here in real time, embracing what comes up in the moment, and in this I am more comfortable and stable, because I realize that, even if I DO make a mistake or fail = it's not a big deal -- I simply assess where I need to be more effective or make some change in my approach, and let go of the past and keep walking.

And interestingly within this, I don't have to use desires, imagination, 'positive thinking', to get myself into a 'motivated state of mind', because I actually went to the source of the 'negative' point, and cleared it effectively so I don't need to 'fend off negativity'. I mean I am simply moving myself as a self expression, I am LIVING, and within this it's like 'normal'. Meaning, I'm actually 'normalizing' myself out of these energy cycles in the mind, back to the stability and constancy of the Physical reality.

And hmmm, maybe if we all stopped our energy cycles in our minds, and came back Here to the Physical, we'd be able to work together effectively and have a better world because we'd all be living in the same reality within what we're really Physically capable of rather than in some alternate energy-survival reality in our minds?

Anyway, so within this, now when I do still experience a resistance, or a fear coming up in relation to a physical action I see I could take, I realize and see that it's just a point where I have an opportunity to discover who I am in real time self expression / living, and let go of the past / memories --- I see it as an opportunity to DARE to LIVE. And, I've actually had some of my first big successes in my business open up recently, through actions I've taken that -- I previously would have been too afraid / too resistant, to take.

So I've established a clear directive principle that I can live and apply within the point of going beyond my past limitations and resistances, and I've done this through redefining a word with a definition I can really stand within and as. A definition through which I am no longer substantiating fears / memories / emotions / reactions -- but I am now rather substantiating ME in actual self expression, ME as an actual living, physical being, with each physical scenario I walk through.

It's really like a re-allocation of my Life Essence, from that of fueling and substantiating fear and desire as energy in my mind, to that of nourishing and supporting my growth in self expression and living to my full potential.

Now I've walked this process with other words, in relation to other things in my life, but the business / sales point I'm walking, is like my primary point where I've had the MOST fears, resistances, and feeling like I 'can't do it', so it's cool to see that it IS in fact possible to really change yourself, and it's all possible through the tools available to everyone: Breathing, Self Honesty, Writing, Self Forgiveness, Self Corrective Application, and Redefining Words. Specifically, what has assisted me is the structured methods found in the Desteni I Process Pro course which you can learn about here: http://desteniiprocess.com/

I'll be sharing more in posts to come, as I keep walking this point of self expansion.


Sunday, September 21, 2014

Day 269: Entertaining Personality - Self Forgiveness


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to design the 'entertaining' personality through, when I was younger, having realized that through stimulating someone's 'sense of humor', I can get them to connect a positive value to me and to 'like me', where within getting this feedback, I then judged myself within a positive value judgment as being 'more than', and within this would then feel good about myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have designed the 'entertaining' personality because I was not here, accepting myself, as who I am as life, and so used energy to 'feel' like something

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to program myself to access / go into the 'entertaining' personality when I am with a group of people who are joking amongst themselves

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want others to like me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want others to see me in a 'positive way' in their own minds

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept and allow the 'humor' system to exist within and as me and within and as humanity as a whole, within the starting point of using judgments, opinions, comparisons, to make ourselves feel good about ourselves / feel like we're more than / better than someone else, through accepting and allowing myself to exist as the 'entertaining' personality to stimulate the minds of others to see me within a positive value judgment / see me as 'more than'

When and as I am in a group of people who are joking amongst themselves, I commit myself to breathe and accept myself, breathe and stand as life, and realize that I am the one who activates personalities through my own desire to experience energy, and to thus in the moment look within myself to see if / where any want arises of 'wanting to experience myself' within some form of positive experience, and to breathe and let go of the want, let go of the experience

When and as I am in a group of people who are joking amongst themselves, I commit myself to allow myself to be silent, within realizing that I do not need to get anyone to like me or see me within a positive value judgment -- I do not need to stimulate another's mind / humor system


Saturday, September 13, 2014

Day 268: Spontaneity: From Personality Stimulation to Self Expression - Part 2


Continuing from my last post:

Day 267: What is Humor? From Personality Stimulation to Self Expression - Part 1
http://www.matterfreeman.com/2014/09/day-267-what-is-humor-from-personality.html

"Though, I still face moments where in social situations, I'll have a moment where I see how I can take a joke to a point where it will make the others laugh, and I'll go into that personality, and will get that moment of a 'thrilling' experience of being 'the object of attention', being 'the social leader', and getting that experience of feeling 'more than' for a moment." 

So within this, I had a look within myself at how I actually experience real self expression and how it's different from what I experience accessing a Personality. 

Now what I've found with myself is that I have naturally like, a very spontaneous expression, where I find I can, in for example sharing perspective with a group of people on a point I've walked for myself for instance, as I begin speaking and opening up the point, the dimensions of the point open up in speaking and walking through it, and within this, I can like, capture the 'essence' of the point, and express it using my total physical expression in voice, face, physical movements. Like, I may go from a rigid, 'masculine' kind of expression in communicating the nature of a certain point, to a more playful or 'feminine' kind of expression within another point, or from a 'seriousness', to a 'madness', or 'craziness', to a 'softness', where within this, as I'm seeing the point open up and seeing its nature and dimensions, the expression then opens up and flows from that seeing, and I move Me as that expression through my body / voice / face - as ME. Where, I'm not in that moment designing a 'presentation' and then presenting it, but rather it is spontaneous and unplanned.

And interesting here, is that when I am in this flow of expression, where it's really ME coming forth in expressing what I see / expressing the nature of a point, within that there is no experience of a want or desire in relation to 'getting something' from the audience, or to have them 'see me' a certain way, or to have them 'like me' -- because in that moment of expression, I am simply expressing Me, for ME, and fascinatingly though the expression comes forth spontaneously and can appear very 'energetic' and perhaps 'emotional' -- within me there is no energy -- there is no stimulation happening, I am actually quite stable, clear, and quiet within myself, and remain aware of the moment and aware of myself.

Whereas when I go into a personality, for instance, 'being entertaining' -- I find in that, that it's triggered by this moment in which there's an opportunity to say something / do something to GET a response from someone; like GET a laugh, or GET a smile, or GET them to like me in that moment, or GET them to admire me in that moment. Like, there's a moment where within me is a PULL, or URGE of 'I want to say / do this because I WANT to experience this or that response that I can see I would GET from him / her / them'.

So within that it's not an actual Self Expression -- it's a Personality used to support a Character of 'feeling good' through getting attention. It involves a System -- it involves generating ENERGY to, for a moment make myself FEEL something. It's about manipulating myself and my world to get ENERGY, to get an experience for myself that 'I Like' -- a moment of experiencing myself as 'more than'. Within this, actually using the MIND -- instead of accessing real Self Expression.

And within this, in accessing and acting out / living out such a personality, and such a character, what I see is that many times in order to have this personality and energy play out, I am using and fueling and substantiating and supporting whatever particular Mind programming a person has accepted, as the basis of their Humor and what Stimulates and Entertains them. So, in bringing someone to a point of laughter and stimulation through impulsing their judgments, self definitions, opinions, values, I am Accepting and Allowing those judgments, self definitions, opinions, and values to exist in them and in humanity / consciousness as a whole -- and within that, accepting and allowing all the outflows and consequences and personalities and physical actions that come as a result of such judgments, self definitions, opinions, values.

Like, joking and making fun of someone or something in a moment, may seem like it 'doesn't matter', or 'doesn't have an effect', on anyone, and is therefore 'innocent' -- is not actually so, because it is fueling and perpetuating the entire system of Stimulation to get / experience energy through one's accepted and allowed Judgments, Opinions, Values, Definitions -- supporting the experience / relationship in people's minds with each other, where we see each other as sources of stimulation / energy as feelings and emotions and experiences -- as a point of Self Interest through which we have Separated ourselves from who we really are as Life as Equal as Here.

We'll continue opening up this point in the next post...

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