Saturday, September 13, 2014

Day 268: Spontaneity: From Personality Stimulation to Self Expression - Part 2

Continuing from my last post:

Day 267: What is Humor? From Personality Stimulation to Self Expression - Part 1

"Though, I still face moments where in social situations, I'll have a moment where I see how I can take a joke to a point where it will make the others laugh, and I'll go into that personality, and will get that moment of a 'thrilling' experience of being 'the object of attention', being 'the social leader', and getting that experience of feeling 'more than' for a moment." 

So within this, I had a look within myself at how I actually experience real self expression and how it's different from what I experience accessing a Personality. 

Now what I've found with myself is that I have naturally like, a very spontaneous expression, where I find I can, in for example sharing perspective with a group of people on a point I've walked for myself for instance, as I begin speaking and opening up the point, the dimensions of the point open up in speaking and walking through it, and within this, I can like, capture the 'essence' of the point, and express it using my total physical expression in voice, face, physical movements. Like, I may go from a rigid, 'masculine' kind of expression in communicating the nature of a certain point, to a more playful or 'feminine' kind of expression within another point, or from a 'seriousness', to a 'madness', or 'craziness', to a 'softness', where within this, as I'm seeing the point open up and seeing its nature and dimensions, the expression then opens up and flows from that seeing, and I move Me as that expression through my body / voice / face - as ME. Where, I'm not in that moment designing a 'presentation' and then presenting it, but rather it is spontaneous and unplanned.

And interesting here, is that when I am in this flow of expression, where it's really ME coming forth in expressing what I see / expressing the nature of a point, within that there is no experience of a want or desire in relation to 'getting something' from the audience, or to have them 'see me' a certain way, or to have them 'like me' -- because in that moment of expression, I am simply expressing Me, for ME, and fascinatingly though the expression comes forth spontaneously and can appear very 'energetic' and perhaps 'emotional' -- within me there is no energy -- there is no stimulation happening, I am actually quite stable, clear, and quiet within myself, and remain aware of the moment and aware of myself.

Whereas when I go into a personality, for instance, 'being entertaining' -- I find in that, that it's triggered by this moment in which there's an opportunity to say something / do something to GET a response from someone; like GET a laugh, or GET a smile, or GET them to like me in that moment, or GET them to admire me in that moment. Like, there's a moment where within me is a PULL, or URGE of 'I want to say / do this because I WANT to experience this or that response that I can see I would GET from him / her / them'.

So within that it's not an actual Self Expression -- it's a Personality used to support a Character of 'feeling good' through getting attention. It involves a System -- it involves generating ENERGY to, for a moment make myself FEEL something. It's about manipulating myself and my world to get ENERGY, to get an experience for myself that 'I Like' -- a moment of experiencing myself as 'more than'. Within this, actually using the MIND -- instead of accessing real Self Expression.

And within this, in accessing and acting out / living out such a personality, and such a character, what I see is that many times in order to have this personality and energy play out, I am using and fueling and substantiating and supporting whatever particular Mind programming a person has accepted, as the basis of their Humor and what Stimulates and Entertains them. So, in bringing someone to a point of laughter and stimulation through impulsing their judgments, self definitions, opinions, values, I am Accepting and Allowing those judgments, self definitions, opinions, and values to exist in them and in humanity / consciousness as a whole -- and within that, accepting and allowing all the outflows and consequences and personalities and physical actions that come as a result of such judgments, self definitions, opinions, values.

Like, joking and making fun of someone or something in a moment, may seem like it 'doesn't matter', or 'doesn't have an effect', on anyone, and is therefore 'innocent' -- is not actually so, because it is fueling and perpetuating the entire system of Stimulation to get / experience energy through one's accepted and allowed Judgments, Opinions, Values, Definitions -- supporting the experience / relationship in people's minds with each other, where we see each other as sources of stimulation / energy as feelings and emotions and experiences -- as a point of Self Interest through which we have Separated ourselves from who we really are as Life as Equal as Here.

We'll continue opening up this point in the next post...

Thursday, September 11, 2014

Day 267: What is Humor? From Personality Stimulation to Self Expression - Part 1

I was looking at how in my process, one of the Personalities I've been facing within myself is the Personality of the 'Clown', or the 'Entertainer'. I'm going to share what I've found in the nature of this 'Clown' personality, and how such a Personality is not actually a self expression, but rather a system - a program in the mind. And within this I'll be sharing how I experience real Self Expression and how accessing Self Expression is different from accessing a Personality.

So to open this up, we'll look at the scenario of when I am for instance with a group of people, standing around in a 'social' setting, and people are joking and making fun of each other, or making fun of someone, or joking about a particular type of person, or type of style, or type of behavior. Now this 'Clown' personality specifically relates to the accessing and stimulating of 'humor' in people's minds, becoming the driving force that is bringing everyone to a point of laughter and 'enjoying my entertainment', and then within that getting a kind of 'thrill' experience.

So, as I'm hearing the jokes, hearing the line of discussion, observing specifically what people are laughing 'AT', I'll be able to see how I can take that joke, that line of humor, and bring it to its fullest 'expression' so to speak, like where I'll be able to 'capture' the essence of the particular point of humor that's being accessed by them, and then bring it forth / present it effectively, where then the others will, through experiencing my presentation of that point of humor, laugh and will respond to it in a way where - the attention is on me and everyone's enjoying 'me and what I'm saying', as the 'vehicle' of the joke / humor. They will see ME as the 'source' of their laughter and stimulation. Basically it's what you have with a comedian on stage. You have comedians of different styles and humors, and they are these people who have an ability to effectively capture the essence of a certain 'type' of humor that is shared by people who have similar interests, personalities, education, beliefs, opinions, etc.

And, as the comedian, as the person who everyone is looking at and listening to, and through who's words and presentation / expression, are being brought into this state of like, hyper-stimulation, you are getting this form of a 'thrill' experience, because you have basically this 'power' over a group of people. You are this leader, leading a bunch of minds to a specific state / experience through YOUR words and expression. Basically it's a way to, through being able to utilize this Personality, generate an energy through the mind where, as you're doing this performance and getting the attention, you feel like MORE than what you 'normally' are. And this is something to consider in looking at how many of the comedians, musicians, and performers in this world have had problems with drug and alcohol addiction and depression. Because such an experience of being in front of a crowd and performing and getting attention, you can easily suppress your 'regular life' and what you may 'normally' be experiencing when you are not performing, and drugs and alcohol may be used to maintain like a continuous state of suppression and stimulation to not have to face what you're really experiencing in yourself.

Now if you look at humor, it's a deceptive thing actually. Because when you find something funny, the laughter comes like, immediately and it feels like it's just 'natural', it seems to be just 'spontaneous'. And so we tend to just come to the conclusion that - because I laughed at 'that' -- that all that is happening here is that 'that is funny'.

But if you really investigate the content of different types of jokes and humor, most humor requires a particular line of preprogramming, a particular set of pre-formed, pre-accepted opinions, judgments, values, and self definitions.

Like, much of the humor in this world is based on observing what 'others do', and then making fun of it. Like, mimicking someone, or 'satirizing' someone's behavior, or a group of people's behavior from a starting point of seeing them as 'stupid' in some way, or some point of comparison and judgment that, in that act of 'making fun', you're actually validating and building up your own self image and self definition where you have in some way formed an opinion that you are 'better than them', or 'smarter than them', and so then when you're with a group of people and you're making fun, cracking jokes at someone / something's expense, it's basically a situation where a bunch of similar personalities built upon similar opinions, judgments and self definitions are like stimulating each other into this positive / charged up energetic / superiorized state, and within that, someone or something is being 'belittled' in a way in the minds of all those participating in the joke / humor. And, within this, those who are laughing, would for the most part not want to THEMSELVES be the 'butt of the joke' -- would not want to switch places with the person at which the laughter / joking is directed -- because they would feel bad, or embarrassed, or angry, etc. So in a way most joking and humor is this way of finding a common ground of judgment with others, to avoid being in the position of being laughed at themselves / feeling humiliated. Which is why you'll so often notice, if you look, that many people you know will joke about someone / something / make fun of someone / something, but then get upset when they become the object of a similar joke / making fun.
It's like this point where no one is actually in fact, stable within themselves, comfortable with themselves, not actually living / existing for and as themselves as a real SELF, but is instead completely defined through the acceptance and validation of others and through external sources of self value, for example being admired, complimented, agreed with, etc, and constantly exists within this need and drive to validate their own personality / self image / make themselves feel like 'more than someone else'.

Of course, there is humor of a nature more aligned with, for example pointing out ridiculous things that we do, pointing out our own dishonesties and idiosyncrasies, where when we laugh, it's more of an innocent laughter - we're laughing at ourselves in a form of self realization / looking at ourselves -- for example much of George Carlin's humor was in this vein. But I will get into that a bit more later.

And, what I've also found with using humor in more 'personal' situations, is that I would sometimes access humor / joking as a point of suppression, because of a reaction to a moment of 'awkwardness', or discomfort within myself, where actually what opened up is a moment / opportunity to be self intimate in communicating something directly with someone, or asking something, or sharing something about what I'm experiencing - a moment of Self Honesty where an opportunity for a point of actual unconditional, real self expression opens up -- but then one immediately reacts to this within fears of how the other might react / respond, particularly if that point of self expression would not be aligned with how you 'usually act', or 'usually talk about stuff', and within that one would have to face the fear of losing a particular relationship one has created toward another, and so rather suppresses the Self Expression, and goes back to Personality.

Like, you can relate perhaps to a situation where maybe you're laughing with friends and they're telling a joke, and you can see that the joke is based on an obvious judgment toward someone, like, seeing them as stupid / inferior -- like, being nasty toward someone, and a moment presents itself where you have within you this point all of a sudden where you see you could share what you see, you could stand up within yourself and really Express something, with for example saying 'you know, I'm seeing this humor is really just us making ourselves feel good about ourselves through judging someone and making them inferior' -- but you suppress that expression because you fear that the others will react to you negatively and will not 'like you anymore', and so keep participating in the Personality 'they know you as and accept you as' -- the personality which is predictable because it is just a Program that runs on specific sets of opinions, judgments, and self definitions.

With myself, I used the 'clown' personality in school and social settings from an age when I started to experience discomfort, humiliation, embarrassment, awkwardness, like when someone would make fun of me and I'd take it personally and feel bad, I learned I can use humor and jokes to prevent bullying, to control how people see me - to make sure they see me as 'entertaining' and so would 'like me'. But within this actually suppressing / hiding from negative experiences / reactions I've had. Only later in opening up such points and walking through them with writing and self forgiveness, was I able to release the points of reaction / taking things personally, and within that release myself from the 'need to be entertaining'.

Though, I still face moments where in social situations, I'll have a moment where I see how I can take a joke to a point where it will make the others laugh, and I'll go into that personality, and will get that moment of a 'thrilling' experience of being 'the object of attention', being 'the social leader', and getting that experience of feeling 'more than' for a moment.

I will continue opening up this point in my next post...

Tuesday, September 2, 2014

Day 266: Am I Funding Suppression or Funding Change

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse entertainment as a way to, in a moment suppress an experience of resistance

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in and fuel the system of stimulation within myself, as a way to suppress what I'm experiencing, to, in a moment create the illusion that the experience doesn't exist and I'm 'free' of it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, within my own starting point / standing of accepting and allowing stimulation as suppression to exist in myself, accept and allow stimulation as suppression to exist in everyone else and making the process of creating a world that is best for all take longer, as I am, within choosing a moment of suppression and stimulation over taking self responsibility and moving myself as Life as self honesty to face and change myself, wasting a moment of space-time opportunity in which to take action -- moments of space-time that accumulate into a day, a week, a month, a year - a lifetime

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that in abusing the amenities and comforts and entertainments I am able to afford, in moments of deliberate suppression and postponing of changing myself and using my time effectively because of a moment of -- 'I don't WANT to experience this and so I will find something else to do' - I am in fact using my money to fund suppression, to fund stimulation, to fund self interest - which is the very problem we face as humanity in this world where - we are abusing our resources to fund ways of suppressing in ourselves what we actually see is going on in the world and how it is unacceptable -- funding in essence a waste of time within which the consequences only accumulate and get worse

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to decide to postpone moments of change and suppress moments of resistance, even when I in fact see that - if my entertainment and little points where I can stimulate myself and suppress / postpone points of change, were taken away -- I would in fact be using my time more effectively

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately waste even one moment of time and space where I see I have the opportunity to change / take action

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in essence support the outcome that - we must have everything we like taken away and be forced to change by consequence and suffering

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the experience of stimulation and 'being entertained', with the word Freedom and to believe that experiencing stimulation and entertainment is 'freedom'

I commit myself to stop abusing entertainment

When and as I experience a moment of resistance and the thought pops into my head where I see myself doing something else - I commit myself to STOP and CATCH that thought, and delete it, and take a moment to identify what is a practical action that I could take in this moment, in pushing through this resistance, and make the Decision to act

I commit myself to stop abusing my money - to stop funding suppression, stimulation, and the abuse of entertainment

I commit myself to show and be an example of how we can use our money to fund the process of actually changing ourselves and sharing that process to assist and support others to realize they can change, to thus gradually grow the group of people actually changing themselves from self interest to what is best for all, to be able to, in this lifetime make an actual change in this world

I also suggest investing in the Suppression series by the Atlanteans on Eqafe, which has assisted and supported me in specifying my awareness of where and how suppression exists in me and how to change.

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