Saturday, December 13, 2014

Day 283: Deconstructing my Relationship with Effort - Part 2


Continuing from my last post :
Day 282: Deconstructing My Relationship With Effort and Following Through Part 1 http://www.matterfreeman.com/2014/12/day-282-deconstructing-my-relationship.html

"Within my own life and my own process, I can say that one of the base points of my preprogramming that I've been walking with is exactly as is described in the Life Review, which is that of an experience of heaviness in relation to things that require putting in a lot of effort. And, here specifically what I'm talking about in my case is, effort as defined by consistent, disciplined, physical actions required to walk certain points to completion, such as going to college for example, or starting your own business and building it from the ground up -- things that require a constant and continuous drive and dedication with physical actions in physical space and time in order to follow through with. "
 In further reflecting on times in my life where I've experienced a resistance and heaviness toward putting in effort to complete things, I found that the word that stands out as the key here is - Completion. I've always struggled with taking an idea, a project, a skill, a responsibility, from the idea / inception / opportunity, through to a point of completion. Why? Because it requires Effort to complete things, and I've always tended to want to do things that take less effort. And the effect this has had in my life is that I tend to really struggle with completing projects. I've always tended to want to experience the end result NOW, and always tended to enjoy / be willing to spend time in the 'visionary' stage of a project, to the point of really perfecting the vision of how something could be / should be, and have found that I have a natural ability to see something's potential, but then when it comes to the moment where what's now required is to align my time to physical effort of taking the idea / vision to a point of actual Creation in physical reality -- that's where I'll tend to experience this resistance and heaviness and 'not wanting to', even with things that really interest me and that I see I have the potential to create / become. So what is it about Completion, about the Effort required to Complete something, that I'm actually resisting?

When I started looking at the word Completion, I asked myself - okay what is involved in taking something through to a point of completion in life, in this physical reality? Some words that I came up with are:

Commitment
Patience
Problem solving
Mistakes
Discipline
Learning
Compromise

So when I look at these words, they describe a process involved in taking something from an idea / potential / opportunity through to completion. So in my next post I'll begin opening this point up further in investigating my relationship / starting point within the process of walking something through to Completion.

Saturday, December 6, 2014

Day 282: Deconstructing My Relationship With Effort and Following Through Part 1

I was listening to a life review titled Not Realizing Your Full Potential, in which a being describes how, during his life, he experienced a heaviness and resistance toward putting effort into things, and thus ended up not doing much with his life / not living to his full potential.

Within my own life and my own process, I can say that one of the base points of my preprogramming that I've been walking with is exactly as is described in the Life Review, which is that of an experience of heaviness in relation to things that require putting in a lot of effort. And, here specifically what I'm talking about in my case is, effort as defined by consistent, disciplined, physical actions required to walk certain points to completion, such as going to college for example, or starting your own business and building it from the ground up -- things that require a constant and continuous drive and dedication with physical actions in physical space and time in order to follow through with.

I've been working with this point for quite some time in my process, and can say that I have pushed through many such resistances and have changed in many ways with regards to doing things now in my life that in my past, I would have believed impossible for me to do. However, I still face this experience of heaviness come up in relation to certain points in my life, and I can say that it still influences me in a way where I end up putting in short bursts of effort, but find it difficult to walk this effort consistently, every day -- resulting in things taking longer than I self honestly see they could if I were to not have this experience come up. And, this heaviness only comes up in relation to specific points of effort, not all points of effort, so in my next post I'll be opening this point up and investigating my relationship to the word Effort, with the goal of getting to a more specific understanding of where this experience of heaviness comes from, and how I can better assist and support myself to develop the disciplined, consistent actions I see I have the potential for, in relation to the specific responsibilities in my life that I have taken on.


Friday, December 5, 2014

Day 281: Resisting Challenges In Life - Self Commitment Statements



Self Commitment statements in continuation of:
Day 280: Self Forgiveness on Resisting Challenges in Life http://www.matterfreeman.com/2014/11/day-280-self-forgiveness-on-resisting.html

When and as I am faced with a challenge, as an opportunity / responsibility, I commit myself to realize that challenges are not something to be feared or resisted, because they present an opportunity to 'go all in', and 'put my all' into something new, and expand myself through learning and changing in order to walk through the challenge

I commit myself to show that life was never meant to be 'fair', particularly not in the world as it exists where basic living ability is not even guaranteed,

I commit myself to show and share from my own experience how as a child growing up in a protected environment, in an ineffective education system without developing sufficient understanding of the challenges and responsibilities of living in physical reality / creating a life in physical reality, it is easy to get trapped into the illusion / idea that the world is supposed to just give you a life as you want it, which will then result in a shock when reality fails to do this, and the child / person will not necessarily realize and understand the fact that in order to change and be able to actually build an effective life in this world, they will have to give up all the ideas / self definitions formed in childhood, which will be difficult or impossible if the person does not have an understanding of Self Honesty and Self Forgiveness, and will probably become trapped in a limited life, feeling like a victim of an 'unfair world' -- where, thus what is actually more 'fair' to a child, rather than protecting / sheltering them from reality and encouraging them to see themselves as special and entitled to 'what makes them happy', is for the child to be shown the actual nature of this reality as it exists which is that it is not 'fair', and that you are not here to just do what you want, so that the child does not form unrealistic ideas, self definitions, and fantasies about life, which will cause disappointment and resistance to change later in life

I commit myself to show that the only 'fair' that really exists, is a world that is best for all life -- and that even then, the individual will still be responsible for creating their own life / expression and that nothing will ever just be 'given' or 'happen', in terms of reaching one's full potential

I commit myself to embrace challenges as they arise in my life, within the understanding that I have an opportunity to transcend through physical living application, my previous limiting self definitions, to not only change myself, but be able to demonstrate through sharing this process, how it is in fact possible to re-educate one's self with common sense and self honesty, and change the way one lives from being directed by childhood programming, to being self directed and thus able to take responsibility to stand as a point of real change in the world

I commit myself to explore enjoyment of challenges, and to specifically assist and support myself within this by, instead of immediately reacting to the challenge within the habitual negative charge I had been used to experiencing with challenges and seeing it as a 'problem' and 'unfair', to take a moment, breathe, identify any energy that has activated in my body, release the energy / reaction / any judgment, and focus on identifying where, within this challenge I face, is there a SOLUTION through which I can expand myself / my effectiveness / my life

I commit myself to re-align my starting point within challenges from seeing it as a 'problem' or 'obstacle', to realizing that, creating something in this reality, in this world, within my life, in my living self expression, requires a physical process in space time of expanding myself through consistent, disciplined action - and that, that's how it always was, but I didn't see it this way because I was holding onto the idea of it being 'fair' that, that which I have potential within, should just 'come to me'

I commit myself to show that it's actually fair that we exist in this physical reality where consequence can become so difficult and painful, because otherwise - we wouldn't have been able to manifest such clear evidence of how dysfunctional self interest / separation as a starting point is, to place ourselves in the position to be able to decide to finally stop self interest / separation and really walk a real process of change where we have the opportunity to really prove to ourselves that we can be fair for REAL, which is to become / create what is best for all through real, consistence, disciplined self honesty and action in the face of all the struggle and difficulty we've manifested as our environment in this reality - where, I can say now that it is in fact FAIR that I am faced with all the challenges I am faced with, because such challenges are really simply showing me who I am in relation to all that is here, and where / how exactly in absolute specificity I still exist within a starting point of separation / self interest, so that I can be absolutely specific in my self honesty and self forgiveness and self commitment / correction statements and application

It's interesting with this point of resisting challenges, because for years now I've been walking within the understanding that, obviously yes things don't just 'happen', or 'come to you' in your life, and that it requires discipline and taking self responsibility, and pushing through resistances, etc -- and within this I've transcended quite a few resistances / fears / judgments, etc toward things in my world, and been able to expand myself quite substantially from where / who I was in the past ---- and yet I had not really opened up this word 'Fairness' before, and thus my experience of myself was still being influenced by the definition / associations / values I had accepted / been living within the word Fairness. So this shows how important it is to, when faced with a repeating resistance / reaction / emotion / inner experience that just seems to keep 'hanging around', really locate the specific word / words within the experience that contain like, the essence of the experience -- because those specific words are like Keys that hold the self realizations / self honesty that opens up clear and specific Self Forgiveness and Self Corrective insights.

So I'll see how things unfold as I walk my days and face challenges, and post updates in regards to what I'm finding within my new application.